Lately i've been trying to fight the feeling of just letting go of all control and throwing myself to another person just for the heck of it. I've been trying to pretend that everything is ok and that i'm happy with what i'm doing... I'm happy with who I am. But when I get home, I am reminded that life is not good for me now and that I need to jump out of this sinkhole. But every situation just forces me to give up and no matter how hard I try to fight back, they retaliate with even greater pressure. How I wish that I could let things go and let them be. How I hope that I could be able to live a normal, happy life without the feeling of great distress.

Contentment. That probably is the most destructive feeling when it comes to life. The world has become so dynamic and fast-paced that you can't leave yourself hanging for a day. Otherwise, you'll end up trying to chase something so far away that will eventually slip away and be lost forever. But it won't even glaze you... because you're still contented. Or at least you think you are. Sooner or later you'll come to realize the fact that what you thought you had was not yours at all. You thought you had everything you needed but in reality you're empty-handed. And you can't change yourself in just a blink of an eye. Even if you wanted to, you can't easily fix mistake. Specially when you've come to believe that you weren't doing anything wrong. So why do you have to change right?

Would it be better to survive by changing or live up to your beliefs and die for something that you think is right. Nobility is dead... as of now... life is survival of the fittest. The people that have power will still reign supreme. You would need some sort of edge or influence to be able to live life today. You have to have something special for you to be able to survive. Only then can you reach out and help other people. Kenshee Himura had power. He had masteral skills with the sword and he uses it to help the weak. He still had power and that is why he is surviving. I used to believe that as long as your intentions are noble, as long as you're doing the right thing... as long as you're not stepping on somebody else, you'll be ok. No... i've realized it does not work that way. You just have got to have power and strength to fight back. Sometimes doing the wrong thing is still right.

The world is never black and white... it's always gray. It's never good and evil... that is why we are human and we are given a choice to pick sides. There will be times when you really have to do what you think is right even though everybody thinks otherwise. There will be times when you do the wrong thing because every boy thinks otherwise. The ultimate choice should be with you.

"To be... or not to be... that is the question." Live your life... be strong and continue to be stronger. If somebody fights against you... crush them. If you're strong enough... that's the only time you can protect others. Martyrs are expendable.

(3) venomed victims

Bakit nung time na sobrang lonely ako, at naghahanap nang makakasama, walang pwede. Lahat busy... lahat may kailangang gawin. Lahat malayo at lahat may mga mas-importang gagawin? Special thanks to my best Pat and to Stephie Wetty for accomodating me. Salamat din sa aking barks na walang humpay na nagconsole at nakisama sa mga kalokohan ko. Kahit super-lonely at empty ang aking puso na redirect sa katuwaan. Sa wakas kahit papano nakayanan ko rin na maging mag-isa muli. I have a different view in life na.

Second question. Bakit kung kailan set na ulit ako sa buhay ko at di ko na kailangan muna maghanap ng ilalaman ng puso ko, saka nagdadatingan ang lahat? Parang trabaho amfufu! Kung kelan ka may trabaho saka ka i-seset-up for interview sa trabahong matagal mo nang gustong apply-an. Anak tinapay... ako nalilito na ako ha. Ano ba talaga plano ng buhay sa akin ha? Magpapatangay nalang ba ako sa ihip ng hangin? Unti-unti na akong naiirita ah.

Segway to my previous entry. Friends parin pala kami... pero I gotta be careful...

I know, I know... may ibang klase akong pakikitungo sa mga tao at parati ako na-mimisunderstood... oo na gets ko na... mag-iingat na po ako. Hehe... salamat sa mga advise.

KAMPAY!!!!!

(2) venomed victims

Written below is a conversation I had with lady friend of mine...

Her: Hi Jace musta?

Me: Hello! Ok lang naman po. Ikaw kamusta?

Her: Heto... badtrip parin kagabi pa. Dumaan kasi dito ang ex ko kagabi. Ayaw niya ako tigilan gusto parin makipagbalikan sakin. Kapag nakikita ko siya naaalala ko lahat ng kagaguhang ginawa niya sa akin. Sobrang nakakainis pa dahil parang pinamumukha niya sa akin na hindi ko siya kayang ipagpalit. Alam kasi niya na binuhos ko lahat, lahat sa kanya. Wala rin naman ako makitang maipapalit ko sa kanya. Nahihirapan na talaga ako Jace, how can I move on...

Me: Awh... *hugz* Mahirap nga yang ganyan. Kailangan kasi di mo na siya makita para maka-move on ka. Sobrang nakakarelate ako sa problema mo. I feel for you sis... :(

Her: Oo nga eh... hmmm... hey I have an idea... Since pareho naman tayo nang problema... why don't we try to help each other out?

Me: Help? What kind of help? Kung kelangan mo nang kausap, kayosi at kainuman walang problema jan! hehehe >:)

Her: What I mean is... bakit di nalang maging tayo muna? That way we could help each other out diba? Hoi wagka mabait ako at super caring at accomodating pa!

Me: Oh! Thanks... I can see that you're real nice, sweet, thoughtful, kind and caring and all those good things (not to mention real cute). But I've tried that before. I was devasteted.Biliv me... it's not right.

Her: Bakit ganun? You're the 4th guy I asked who turned me down. Baka siguro I'm not that sexy like the other girls kaya ganun. It's ok I'll understand... hey I have to go now... thanks alot!

Me: Huh? Hindi naman sa ganun ... it's just that I already did that for a friend. I don't like to do it again. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way. I'm sorry...

Her: Baka naman kasi di mo ko type noh?

Me: That's irrelavant! (Kung alam mo lang...)

Her: Sige na... magiging malinaw naman ang usapan natin eh. I promise I won't blame you for what happens.

Me: It's not about the blaming part. I already did that for a friend ... malinaw din ang usapan namin. Yet we ended up messing each others lives for such a short period of time. Di ko na siya friend ngayon. Kahit supermodel of the whole wide universe pa ang nagrequest sa akin nang ganyan, hindi ko na gagawin ulit. I can help you in other ways. :)

Her: ... .... ....

Alam kong tama ang ginawa ko pero bakit parang ang sama ng loob ko. I don't wanna be a meantime boy anymore. It will only break hearts ... usually it includes my own. But still... parang ang sama-sama ko. I think I'm gonna lose one more friend... so sad. :(

(3) venomed victims

Open na po ang shop nang barkada. Please visit!!! It's called the Little Banawe Cafe. Shempre nasa Banawe. Hehehehe... Hope to see you there? Tumutulong lang po me sa pagmarket. wahahahaha!

(0) venomed victims