Lately i've been trying to fight the feeling of just letting go of all control and throwing myself to another person just for the heck of it. I've been trying to pretend that everything is ok and that i'm happy with what i'm doing... I'm happy with who I am. But when I get home, I am reminded that life is not good for me now and that I need to jump out of this sinkhole. But every situation just forces me to give up and no matter how hard I try to fight back, they retaliate with even greater pressure. How I wish that I could let things go and let them be. How I hope that I could be able to live a normal, happy life without the feeling of great distress.

Contentment. That probably is the most destructive feeling when it comes to life. The world has become so dynamic and fast-paced that you can't leave yourself hanging for a day. Otherwise, you'll end up trying to chase something so far away that will eventually slip away and be lost forever. But it won't even glaze you... because you're still contented. Or at least you think you are. Sooner or later you'll come to realize the fact that what you thought you had was not yours at all. You thought you had everything you needed but in reality you're empty-handed. And you can't change yourself in just a blink of an eye. Even if you wanted to, you can't easily fix mistake. Specially when you've come to believe that you weren't doing anything wrong. So why do you have to change right?

Would it be better to survive by changing or live up to your beliefs and die for something that you think is right. Nobility is dead... as of now... life is survival of the fittest. The people that have power will still reign supreme. You would need some sort of edge or influence to be able to live life today. You have to have something special for you to be able to survive. Only then can you reach out and help other people. Kenshee Himura had power. He had masteral skills with the sword and he uses it to help the weak. He still had power and that is why he is surviving. I used to believe that as long as your intentions are noble, as long as you're doing the right thing... as long as you're not stepping on somebody else, you'll be ok. No... i've realized it does not work that way. You just have got to have power and strength to fight back. Sometimes doing the wrong thing is still right.

The world is never black and white... it's always gray. It's never good and evil... that is why we are human and we are given a choice to pick sides. There will be times when you really have to do what you think is right even though everybody thinks otherwise. There will be times when you do the wrong thing because every boy thinks otherwise. The ultimate choice should be with you.

"To be... or not to be... that is the question." Live your life... be strong and continue to be stronger. If somebody fights against you... crush them. If you're strong enough... that's the only time you can protect others. Martyrs are expendable.