(0) venomed victims

(2) venomed victims

Here I am again

wondering if you're okay

Can't stop this troubled heart

Cause we're apart, miles away

Phone pressed up to my ear

Wish you were here holdin' me

A face to go with you sweet voice

Would bring me joy totally

I know I can't be there

But baby it's alright

I'll be waiting for you

Tonight

I pray that you'll be there

When I close my eyes

Meet me in my dreams

Tonight

One thing that never changes

No matter what

I can't wait to see you

Can't wait to feel you

And there's a place of our own

Where we can go

Nobody knows

I close my eyes real tight

And make love to you all night

I wish I may

I wish you might

Find some time when you sleep tonight

To think of me and I'll appear before your eyes

It's my paradise your world

You're my heart, my life, my girl

I can't wait to go to sleep

Cause theres a possibility

That you'll meet me...

:: written by Todd Huston etc.

(0) venomed victims

You would think by now, I would know my way around

I shouldn't miss you so badly, I should be on familiar ground

How many more lonely years, must meander by

until I learn the lesson

It does no good to cry

What manner of iron will, must some people possess

to be always looking forward, to never accept regress

Perhaps if I was willing, to have someone take me by the hand

they could show me a happy place in this unfamiliar land

Perhaps I'm only homesick, for all the joys that once where mine

I must accept that they, and you, belong to some other place and time

But I know that deep within my heart, there's a place where only you reside

and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows that is where I hide

So if sometimes it seems to you that I'm clinging to the past

it's mostly because I can't yet accept that our love didn't last

No matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over you

for the part of me that's still alive, believes you love me too

Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die

and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try.

-- thanks to Allen, my dear friend for introducing this piece to me. You ROCK girl!

-- thanks to 4 special people that helped me understand one of life's twistedness...

"IT DOESN'T PAY TO BE THE GOOD GUY"

(1) venomed victims

To the one who could not love me forever:

I have to tell you the truth... I thought you just needed time to think and assess things in your life. I thought you'ld still consider me as part of your life. For 6 years I loved you unconditionally and all you did was force me to find a reason as to why I love you. Well here's my answer to that. There is no reason for loving you... I don't have one. I could give you a million "reasons" if I wanted to but think of it as this way... what if all of those reasons went up in smoke? Do you think I won't love you anymore? My answer is no. I love you because I chose to love you and I dedicated my life to you because you were my world. You were my everything... I never really cared about anything else except you. My very life I gave to you... but I guess you saw it differently. From your friends, they say it could have been destiny. I don't believe in destiny but it's the only way to go for me not to hurt anymore. I never dared to chase you back because it was your decision to go. I will respect your decision because I loved you... that's all. I think we have established too facts now... one, you don't love me anymore and even if I still have feelings for you, you will never feel the same way about me again. Two, we NOW have the capacity to love somebody else. So I guess this is my manner of closing things. Good bye and I hope you will be happy with your life...wherever it may lead you to.

To the one who could not be with me forever:

From the moment I saw you I was mystified. Never would have thought I could find someone like you. All you needed to do was look straight into my eyes and joy just overflows because I know we are feeling the same thing for eachother. Tears uncontrollably roll down my cheeks each time I think of you. A mixture of happiness and sadness which gives me a sense of bliss. Happiness because time was never an issue for us to fall for eachother. I know we have just met but whenever I stare at those beautiful round eyes, time stops for a moment and I enjoyed forever... just in your eyes. We spoke different languages but I know it was our hearts that were talking... we understood each word, each smile... each caress. We didn't really need words to show meaning into everything. But for now, my heart is filled with sadness. As I let you off at the airport, I know that I won't be seeing you again. Not for a long time. Each time I think about it my heart aches and I really want to cry out and ask you to run into my arms. I'll hold you tight and I won't let go. I would ask you to be with me forever and by god I will do everything in my power to treat you right. But I can't... not like this. We are living different lives and after what happened to me. I could not trust myself on this kind of relationship again. Because of you I understood the importance of companionship. I won't be there to hold your hand, to hug you when you're down. I won't be there to kiss you and massage you and tell you "as long as I'm here, everything will be alright." I'm completely terrified that history might repeat itself. So for now, all I can be is just a friend. I will be there for you though every step of the way... in mind, in heart... in spirit. And who knows, only time will tell what could happen. I hope you don't forget me when you get back to Australia ... you have already taken a part of me with you and I will never forget you. Maybe someday I can find a way to come to you and make me whole again... with you in my life. So goodbye for now honey... take care and have a safe trip home.

(3) venomed victims

Oh yes, I am the great unlucky lover. I've always given it my all to the people that matter the most. If trials and temptations come to my life I always try to battle them... for the sake of those I love. But destiny seems to stop me being truly happy. If this is how my life is "programmed" to be, I'd rather not live at all.

I'm always a sucker for people who will one day leave me... figuratively and literally. One thing's for sure though, I did love them and sacrificed a lot for them. I served them with all of my heart, to the best of my abilities and all that shit. I just cannot understand why I could not be rewarded with my efforts. But of course it is never about what you've done for them. It is never about you only... love is always two-ways... mutual as some would say. If that cycle is broken in anyway, physical or mental or spiritual, expect problems to arise and you better deal with it.

It hurts to know that he/she has died out on you. It pains to try to understand that he/she does not love you anymore. But all you can do is accept the reality and teach yourself to love them less than you really wanted to. Undo the love that you have regularly tried to give each and every day. Forget the promises made, the shared dreams and the plans of being together forever.

Journey on with life in search for the right one. Never hesitate to give to them what you took away from your past lovers. Give more if you could and never less. It seems like you're being a martyr but that's the way it's gotta be.

I just feel sad though for the unlucky people like me. I hope one day we could all be truly happy with the one we love and with the one who loves as back wholeheartedly. I hope someday the unlucky one's WILL find the one who will never leave them. It's not a matter of physical distance ... it's about how two souls agree to be intertwined.

So journey on my unlucky peers... walk through the path of life and never close your heart. As long as you know it's right, LOVE... BE LOVED...

(5) venomed victims

I've been busy and quite happy during the holidays because there was no room for sadness. My Best friend went home and we had the time of our lives. It turned to be a double celebration because my brother's girlfriend came home as well. We partied each night away, drinking and having fun like there's now tomorrow. I also met Ivy and Candice who became two of my new UP friends. That's why I still had a reason to go and visit that school. YAY Lantern parade!!! I was with one of my close friends Meann and after that, steph and her friends invited me to a lovely dinner. Oh by the way I forgot to mention that my best friend has a girlfriend already. Wink wink!!! My late grandmother's birthday came up as well and it was turned into a major family reunion. I went to baguio and partied with my relatives. I had a hell of a time and that's where I met distant relatives who instantly became close to my heart. My Nephews: Kody, Brian, and Jen. Special mention to my ever so CUTE grandaughter, Gabrielle! (the little girl beside Kody in the bottom picture). Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Brian, Gabrielle, Jen, Kody and Me

Gabrielle and Kody

(6) venomed victims