I remember when I was around 11, I was walking around at the mall on an early afternoon. I checked our those new computer games being displayed. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I heard a soft but masculine voice. "Psst... pogi". I was terrified because I know I was the only other person there. So I started to walk away. After about 5 minutes, I heard that scary voice again. "Huy pogi... Ano pangalan mo?" This sent shivers to my spine. I was much to young and this man... he was towering over me. I know I couldn’t fight back. So decided to give a fake name. “Richard”. “Richard, ang gwapo mo talaga” Na-*toot* (Oral sex in tagalog) ka na ba?” This question triggered me to run as fast as I could ... to the security guard... who asked the same question. Haha just kidding. The part with guard did not happen. But this was the time when my Trauma began.

Those were the younger years when I could not differentiate homosexuality from Pedophilia. My mind was filled with negativity because of that incedent.

Fast forward to the present. I’m old enough to know the difference now. The years that I’ve garnered in this world has given me enough experience to know better. I am happy to say that my trauma is gone. Only being a boy magnet remains.

Now on to topic two.

I don’t know why but a lot of gay people seem to like somebody like me. Why? I’m not tall, dark and handsome. I’m just dark. I’m not even the very accommodating type of guy? So why choose somebody like me? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bragging or anything. Besides... is there really something to brag about? Hmmm... very good question.

A colleague of mine said this to me a few days back “Jace, it’s not so bad”. And come to think of it. Yeah... it’s not bad! I’m actually proud that somebody likes me for me. Whether he’s a she or she’s a he or whatever! I’m happy that I am accepted for being who I am. Just the same way as I have accepted them for who they are.

I’m not a homophobic. I have Ed I have Mike I have Kiko and Mark and all of my other gay friends. They actually turn out to be true people. They make a lot of other people happy and they have come to accept that they are different. They are happy with who they are. Some of them actually turned out to be one of my very good friends, they are treasures that I am willing to keep. I love them for being them ... and I will fight with anybody who condemns them.

I just don’t like the type who stalks you and asks that dreaded question (brrr)

So, to conclude this all, I’ve just come to a better understanding of my life.

Just one of the things I’ve been thinking about while going home. Believe me, this is not even a single percentage of the confusion that is my mind.