The woman of my dreams:

When I first saw her I was mystified. Her china eyes captured my heart and turned my cold stares into soft yearning and admiration. She wasn't really smiling at first because she was busy fiddling with her phone and looking sternly at the other people coming in to the room. I was seated a few rows behind her and I really wanted to come close and have a closer look at the beauty that captured me. Of course embarassment and intimidation controlled me and so there I sat, not minding anything else but her -- time stopped for a moment. The mentor came in and we were all introduced.

Ahh... what a beautiful name. It was fitting for her image. Soft, tender, innocent, sweet. Almost immaculate... And then, she danced. My heart melt like butter. I've always admired women who can move their body at their command. I never stopped liking her. It was something to always look forward to. Things went ok and we all had to separate ways. I didn't get to talk to her much. But I remembered her... I promised not to forget. We were friends and we talked from time to time. I discovered this, bright, wacky and happy side of hers. It was fun, being her acquaintance. Everything went by fast after then.

Years passed and life went along in its normal, uneventful way. One fateful chance led me to her again. Her eyes met mine and eveything came back to me in a flash. I remembered her look, her face... her graceful movements... her smile. Once again, I am swept off. I thought I was being radical and senseless at first. I thought I actually was being crazy. But each day made me yearn to search for her. To see her... hear her voice... to simply be with her.

I started to reach out to her almost everyday. I don't know why this was happening but I seem to be happy being able to communicate with her in whatever means I possibly could. She started to become someone important in my life. She started to become special. My interest grew everyday. Eventually, simple chats turned to meaningful conversations, my simple actions turned to loving gestures. Circumstance led me to say it to her. Everything has changed ever since.

My heart is lighter every time I see her. My days are brighter whenever I'm with her. I found that my feelings for her go stronger and stronger everyday. I have to show her how much I am in love. However, each time I have to face my fate I wake up to the reality that I can't be with her. A bludgeoning of chance? Ill Fate? Whatever you want to call it. My greatest wish is to extend the dream and turn it to reality. Sad but true.

Perhaps one day, I would really be happy. Maybe one day she will come true. All I can do is cherish the brief moments of ecstacy. I will continue dreaming. I will not allow myself to let go. I won't expect anything else... I will not stop loving the woman of my dreams.

My Stupid Self

You can't blame me for making the wrong decision. Just like you I've experienced a lot in my life. I've had my share of hurtful events and it led me to rethink and hesitate. My actions become limited and my judgement is dulled. My stupid self takes over me and I tend to fumble on all the right things as my vision is clouded with fear -- Fear of me being the reason of more sadness on your part. I thought by staying away, I'd be able to save what's more important to you. It backfired and I made you cry. I never wanted this to happen. I never really wanted to stay away. I just thought that what happened before could happen again. History repeats itself. And again I'll be all alone. With lesser friends than I have before.

I can't blame you for being angry. I can't blame you for being hurt. Nobody should point their fingers to anybody except me. Now that I have destroyed the thing I valued the most, it hurts just as well to me as it does you. It feels unfair but I guess that's the way it's gotta be. I will take full responsibility of my actions. And I will not give up trying to regain what I have lost. I hope I am given the chance to redeem.

Please forgive this stupid side of me...