Secret Revelations

2012-01-12T14:22:00.004+08:00

Sexual Healing

So let’s look at the subject

I’m gonna tell you why I’m disgusted

So tonight, it looks like sex will be our topic of discussion

Now see, sex isn’t evil, for marriage is why God made it

But I know you’re like “c’mon.. that’s too outdated.”

“This is 2011 bro, we do it for recreation.”

And hey, if you’re in college you do it while you’re wasted.

But I want to question this logic

I want to pop off the seal

I want to question something

that we think is already a done deal

So take a rape victim for example

And once its revealed

When her bruises go away

Is she totally healed?

Nah, the damage is lasting

You can see it in her eyes

But if it was just abused recreation

Why did it ruin her life?

I mean if sex is just for fun

Why does it take such a toll?

Maybe its because you don’t just

have sex with a body

You have sex with a soul

Which means for me

There ain’t no pre-marital lovin’

And it ain’t just cause I don’t want a baby in the oven

It’s cause I’m staying pure till the day that I’m a husband

But see, this wasn’t always me

That’s a guarantee

Let’s go back in the past

See who I used to be

Now growing up

I never learned how to treat a lady

If I learned one thing from my dad…

It was leave the mom, ditch the baby

Now I don’t say that to get sympathy

I say that to be real

Because, according to stats,

About 40% of you know how that feels

So I let the T.V. show me

What the music already told me

No dad at home

So I was letting MTV mold me

And they sold me

Which is why my life revolved

Around whatever girl I could get next

My Life revolved around this girl named Sex

Sure I’d get at her on the texts

But I gotta confess

It seemed the longer we dated

The bigger the mess

But then my girlfriend was late

On that time of the month

If you know what I mean you understand

When I say my heart sunk

I started to think about abortion, man

I started to butter it up

But its funny - They don’t just

make condoms for sin

You can’t just cover it up

It was just a scare

But I knew a father , I didn’t want to be

Its funny how I was pro-life

Until it happened to me

So dudes think twice before you desire her

Just because you think that she’s hot

Cause the truth is – your body makes a promise

Whether you do or not.

Sorry I digressed though

Lets get back to the topic

Now there’s some dude who pressure her

Even when she says stop it

You’re not a man, you’re just a boy that can shave

And you put on a good cover

Cause if you don’t respect her when she says know

You certainly don’t love her

So how about you start studying her heart

Stop studying her booty

Or maybe – invest the same amount

of time in her

That you do in Call of Duty

Cause what makes you think you can get this girl

And all of a sudden get naughty

Because you should have to touch her heart and her mind first

Before you ever touch her body

Because she longs to be accepted

She longs to be loved

So she gives herself up

To another guy’s lust

She thinks it feels good at her first

But then she gets bitter

Because the promise of satisfaction –

It never delivers

She’s like I don’t want to

But its just too tempting

So she keeps opening up the present

Just to find that its empty

And then she starts to get confused

She keeps getting rejected by all these dudes

They tell her on a scale of 10 – she’s a 2

But that ain’t true. If only she knew.

That Jesus – He loves and accepts us

Even when you don’t want Him, He’ll never reject us

He heals us from that sin that totally infects us

And He does what condoms can’t - He emotionally protects us

And I know some of you here – you’re gonna want to indict me

But we’ve got to think rightly, so I’ll ask politely

Can you really say this isn’t even true?

Just slightly?

I mean, we touched the forbidden fruit

Just to realize its Poison Ivy

Now we’re numb and we’re itching

And we got a distorted psyche

You don’t think, you just do it

Like your name was Nike

Not realizing that the consequences of your actions

Are oh so pricey

So this last story though

Is for those who think they’re too dirty

This last story is for those

Who think they’re unworthy

Read John chapter 8

The woman caught in adultery

The religious leaders throw her naked in the Temple

While she yells “Don’t murder me”

They say “Jesus, the Law commands us to stone this woman”

And you hear the hate in their tone

Jesus Pauses then says

“Whoever is without sin – you can cast the first stone”

I mean can you imagine the sound?

Silence all around

You hear footsteps walk away

You hear stones hit the ground

And then Jesus kneels down

The woman thought it was her demise

He lifts up her face

You see the grace in His eyes

He says “I don’t condemn you”

“Go and sin no more”

I love you, I accept you

Mercy is yours

But if you’re anything like me

You’re like “No, that can’t be”

Why would He

Ever die for me?

But you see, then I saw that scene

Where I was redeemed

He reached out and touched me

And said “Jeff, you’re free”

Instantly I was wearing the brightest robe I’d ever seen

I was perfectly spotless. I was perfectly clean.

So bright, in fact, that I thought I’d go blind.

I said “Whose is this?”

He said “Actually its mine”

So think twice before you eat

What society feeds us

Come follow the King

His name is Jesus!

- jeff bethke

2011-10-06T15:11:00.003+08:00

One of my favorite Songs...

Hey girl I got somethin' real important to give you
So just sit down and listen
Girl you know we've been together such a long long time
(such a long time)
And now I'm ready to lay it on the line
(Wooow) You know it's Christmas and my heart is open
wide
Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind
A gift real special, so take off the top
Take a look inside -- it's my dick in a box
Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sort of gift don't mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl ya gotta know you're my shining star
Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs somethin' real
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart
Somethin' special girl
It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box babe
It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl
See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin'
(yeah)
And I got just the one, somethin' to show ya that you
are second to none
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps
1: Cut a hole in a box
2: Put your junk in that box
3: Make her open the box
And that's the way you do it
It's my dick in a box... my dick in a box babe
It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl
Christmas; dick in a box
Hanukkah; dick in a box
Kwanzaa; a dick in a box
Every single holiday a dick in a box
Over at your parent's house a dick in a box
Mid day at the grocery store a dick in a box
Backstage at the CMA's a dick in a box (yeah-wow-wow-
wow-wow-wow)
a dick in a box...

Wahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

2011-09-30T13:41:00.000+08:00

Tired or Deranged?

Stammering. Missing vowels and even words... I can only think of two reasons as to why this is hapening. I'm either doing things too quickly, never reviewing the things that I do, or my mind is tired as of the moment. I'm tending to think that it's the former because even though I've had only 3 hours of sleep, I was still able to drive to the office and work for the first half of the day. I know I still have a lot of juice in my mind it's just that I can't seem to relay them in a formal manner.

Office emails should be alsmost perfect. It should have good grammar and I should really send the message across that I am a professional. I've send almost a dozen emails today and they all have lapses.

What the hell's happening to me? Am I pressured or some shit like that? I don't think so. Well, come to think of it, I've done a lot of things today but why is it that I'm always making mistakes in writing?

I should learn to settle down and relax. I should be able to review my work more diligently before sending it out. If it means using the spell check more often, then by all means. I should be better than this.

Better than all of this.

2011-09-29T15:58:00.000+08:00

500

“500 fights, that’s the number I figured when I was a kid. 500 street fights and you could consider yourself a legitimate tough guy. You need them for experience. To develop leather skin. So I got started. Of course, along the way you stop thinking about being tough and all that. It stops being the point. You get past the silliness of it all. But then, after, you realize that’s what you are.”

I tell you... You learn a lot of things one the way to 500. None more important than this...

2011-09-16T15:50:00.001+08:00

May ibubuga pa ba ang buhay sa pinas? Parang mahirap na dito sobra. Isang kahig isang tuka sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos. Nakakatamad kumayod...

Bakit meron naman mga tao na ubod ng yaman dito?

May ginagawa kaya akong mali?

Pano kaya tayo pwede umahon sa ganitong klaseng mundo...

2011-08-19T14:32:00.000+08:00

Taste of My Own Medicine

I was a team manager before. I’ve had my fair share of successes and disappointments. I’ve made people laugh, cry, happy and sad. I’ve had a fair chance in dealing with people and finding out what works best.

I couldn’t say I was the best but I think I was alright. I just tried to get along knowing that the people I work with are mature enough to handle the responsibilities and I tried accepting their individual personalities.

Micro-management is a flaw in leadership traits.

You don’t treat others as if they are kids who don’t know what to do without you guiding them.

Now that I’m once again am part of the workforce, I can’t seem to ignore the faults that I see. I’ve made those mistakes before and now that I’m pulling the other end of the rope, I’m feeling the unjust treatment.

I hope the story ends well wherein the person understands … these types of things just don’t work.

I hope the person changes for the better because if not, it’s not us who will fail.

2011-08-17T11:32:00.003+08:00

Complete Again

My best friend’s back! 1 year and 4 months spent without talking to him consistently. So long a time that you don’t get to relay thoughts, help each other out, or just have fun together. And now he’s back and the 4-man cell is complete again…

It truly has been quite a while and a lot has happened.

My best buddy has a lovely daughter who just turned one.

My brother-from-another-mother, now officially single, is happily wasting his life away with Magic Cards and night-outs with whoever.

I’m married to the woman who’s destined to be my soul mate.

A lot indeed has happened and my best friend didn’t have a chance to be with us in those times… but now, I know he could catch up.

It’s funny though. I thought being apart for more than a year would make you feel uneasy meeting the person again. But last night, it was a happy reunion. Even if it’s just the two of us together with my wife and his fiancé, even if the best bud and half brother weren’t, even if it’s the same old place, drinking the same old Starbuck’s coffee. It’s all just conversational fun.

I know he will be busy since he’s also getting married but we all will find time for everybody. I’m sure of it.

We’re complete again: My best bud, my brother-from-another-mother, my best friend! I’m definitely looking forward to the rest of this year.

2011-08-12T10:50:00.003+08:00

Wishing to have a lithium ion cell

Attached to me. Yes… I’m wishing I don’t need to rest and sleep. I wish that all I need to do is take out a socket and cord out of my butt and just plug myself for an hour or two. Fast charging. Ok, I guess not from my butt. Maybe my chest that’s less ridiculous.

There are so many things I want to do and the day is never enough. There are so many places to explore so many people to hang out with.

I really don’t want to spend 7-8 hours of the day just to sleep as I feel it’s quite a big waste.

I guess we just gotta do with what we have for now. Who knows they develop some kind of technology that could solve this issue in the future? Hmmmm…. Let’s wait and see.

2011-07-28T17:46:00.001+08:00

Escape from the Safe Zone

Being with long-time friends gives you comfort. You can be who you really are. You don’t need to hide emotions or pose as something else coz your friends already know the type of person you are. The fact they accepted you speaks loud enough for you to remain true. “You are who your friends are…”, or so they say.

Working for years in a company will gain you significant experience and respect from peers. You know the routes, the “ins” and the “outs”, and the “nitty gritty” of operations. It builds confidence knowing that you are in total control of everything that is happening.

Both of the above statements are true. Unfortunately, they also constrain a person from diversification, and ultimately, success.

We have to understand that each of us has unlimited potential to become more than what we are today. We have to meet more people and further increase the knowledge by learning from others. We need to do other things and build our experience more on what the world has to offer. We don’t live on what the world has already provided.

Once reflected from all of them, we will come to understand our different sides, personalities and behavior. We will ultimately know more about ourselves.

2011-07-22T16:07:00.001+08:00

You Don’t Freakin Need to Know

The only thing constant in this world is change. It can be minor or major, trivial or important. It encompasses all aspects of life – career, family, love life. Dissecting the elements that it consists of would bring us too many results. We have the “what” factor which is the physical manifestation of change. We have the “who” that is the human manifestation of change. We have the “how” which discusses the transition. We have the “how much” that talks about the gravity of the transition. Perhaps the most influential factor of change is easy to spot but impossible to control. I’m talking about time.

You can build a lot of conclusions but it barely scratches the surface of the real reason. The Answer? It depends…

It always depends on something else to produce a change. It’s always going to be a combination of different factors. Heck, it could even be caused by a change itself! The answer is damn hard to figure out for ourselves.

Let’s take a case in point:

You’ve been in the same company for god-knows-how-long, you’ve been seeing your girlfriend/boyfriend for x number of years (or months… or days), and you always go out on weekends with your closest friends: In general terms, everything seems constant and fulfilling. But an opportunity suddenly shows itself. A promotion leads to change in career. A fling causes havoc on your relationship. You get to make more friends and try to hang out with all of them, thereby skipping on weekend getaways with your own group. Hence, three situations, leading to multitudes of changing patterns for one’s self.

In no time at all, you get to have these stupid reactions from people around you… wondering what happened to you. “You look different.”, “It seems he changed”, “What’s wrong with him/her”, : these are but some of the statements that will surely crunch your nerves.

Do they really want a forthright answer? Are they expecting a blow by blow detail on the things that led to the change? Who the hell are they to receive such an explanation? Are they shrinks? Thinking about it deeply will only make your head explode. Why then do we need to explain to somebody else right away?

People will have a lot of reasons for changing. They could have a thousand reasons for one small change, and one reason for making an important transition. Life does not count and nobody else should too. It just happens, and usually it’s for the better. If one feels he/she needs to outright say his peace, then allow it. But don’t go around the room, neighborhood, or office, seeking answers as to why somebody changed. Do not confront the person right away expecting to have the reasons handed over in a silver platter and within a 10 minute window. You’ll only end up being stuck spinning in a loop and never reaching the center of the circle. Much worse, the person might end up hating you.

Be patient, expect nothing. Sooner or later, the people who changed could get a clearer picture in thought. Who knows, that person might open up first, or that person may realize that it was just a one off and decide to go back, not changing anything at all.

2011-06-23T15:17:00.001+08:00

Silence for Two Years

Two years out and a lot has happened. Two years down the road and life moved on.

Got a car, a good stable job, and married my better half.

Two years older and wiser as they say. I learned a lot more about life.

Gained new friends… lost some.
Came into a realization that nothing is permanent. Something you just have to live with.

It does seem that a lot has happened within the span of two years.

There were changes that are welcome and changes that were not.
Such things are happening every day, without you noticing it.

It only gets magnified with the double of 365…

The Lottery

2009-02-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

Two versions of me hoping to win the Lottery. 6/49 Lotto jackpot prize is at 347 Million Pesos.

Me Version 1: I really wish I could win the lottery. You know what I'll do? I'll share a portion of it to my friends. Give a large potion to my family and my girlfriend. Probably use some of the rest to put up my own business and live happy saving and earning from whatever will remain.

Me Version 2: I really wish I could win the damn thing. I'd probably use half of it and put up a casino somewhere. Come to think of it, I could double that amount if I put it up for bets! BIIIGGG MONEY! I'll buy a car that's not yet here in the Philo just yet. That will surely be a head-turner! I'll get three houses. One would be my normal house. Two would be my rest houses! I wouldn't need to work ever again! Woooo!!!

I didn't win the lottery today.

Me Version 1: Forget this piece of crap! I shouldn't have spent a hundred P's on this shit. >:(

Me Version 2: O well.. dreaming a seemingly impossible dream... better luck next time. :)

** Damned if you do... damned if you don't ** which side was better?

The Cowardice in Taking Things for Granted

2008-11-11T04:50:00.000+08:00

** Dedicated to the people who think they are so important that they have the right to be angry at anything and everything that indirectly affects them **

It's like a power that you have gained for the first time. The amount of money that you have, the time that it takes for you to be able to do the things that you need to do, the advantages and perks that you have in your work... in your life...

You try it out... you test it... know its limitations. You explore it to its fullest.

And for a brief moment, you are happy. Happy because you have everything at the tip of your fingers. One request and it is done. You feel like you can make anything happen. You feel like everything is under your control... everything revolves around you.

And then you feel as if you are the most important person in this world. That technically speaking, you control whatever happens about yourself.... about your life... about whatever you do. You think as if the whole world should stop and acknowledge that you are present. You need the world to notice you for whatever it is you have even without you telling it.

If you do not get what you want, you fill your heart with rage and take revenge somewhere else. Instead of going straight to the source, you act as if you need to build a small army to make revolt.

Wake up asshole... because life is not about you. If there is a problem, the quickest way to have it resolved is to take action and direct towards the source of the problem. Instead of taking the time to make other people aware that you are angry, work towards solving the problem of your anger.

If i'm the problem. Then talk to me.

Without that, I have no time for a piece of chicken shit like you.

Totally wasted

2008-10-29T07:35:00.000+08:00

Work is tough... this is what I will look like in a few minutes. Phew....

Envy for the better people

2008-10-28T06:55:00.000+08:00

Why is it that I couldn't be this way? At least in it's totality.

Why do I find it so hard to fix my schedule or complete doing the things I need to do in a single day? I actually tried to blame it on something else. I pointed my finger on the whirlwind of tasks that I needed to do each day. I kept on saying that a day is not enough for all the stuff that I needed to accomplish. I didn't have enough expertise to quickly and efficiently attend to my duties.

But damn... it's has been like a year and it seems that I have not improved. I have not changed for the better.

In reality, I couldn't fix myself ... I couldn't do things by myself. Hamf... so frustrating.

That'll be the day when I could prove all of them wrong.

O welp... tomorrow is another day to try.

Who is he to you?

2008-10-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

A friend. A "barkada". A counsel. A partner. All rolled into one.

Silent most of the time. Aloof at sometimes. But when he utters a word, a statement, it becomes profound. It touches my soul and I become enlightened.

There are times when he is stubborn but he can actually do everything if he puts his mind into it. Even though he does not know it yet, I know in time he will be great.

He is one of the people who best understands who I am. And believe me, I can only name a few people who actually do. That is why I'm grateful.

He is a survivor. A die hard silent romantic. A man of principle.

Yet, in his own way, he is fun and crazy.

He has influenced me to become better. All these years, he is one of the people who continued to accept me. I can never think of my life without him in it.

And now, I'm celebrating the time when the Supreme Being created this wonderful person and bestowed him upon us. I will forever thank the day he started to exist. I will forever cherish the day I got to know him.

This is my way of greeting you for I am was not able to personally greet nor see you this week.

Happy Birthday Patrick Dela Cruz. May you have many more to come, Best.

Okay tama na potah parang badinger Z! Woooot!!! Inuman na toh! wehehehehe...

Now, who is he to you? :)

Thoughts from the Grave

2008-10-23T04:33:00.000+08:00

It's amazing when children play around and pretend that they are somebody else. They could be a rocket scientist, an astronaut, a super hero: anything imagined comes true. One may not understand that even though it's make believe, the child undergoes a mental brainstorm more complicated than an algorithm.

Their young thoughts can process and easily accept the fact that they who they believe they are at this point in time.

But while growing up, the the complications of a personality tend to revert to specific simplicity that is shown in a basic, solid character. Worldly rules and restrictions control you and mold your personality; and you become somebody... totally incomplete from who or what you have hoped to be. Always striving to become somebody. Waiting for the day you can totally accept yourself for the kind of person you have grown to become.

I envy the children for in their own minds, ... they are truly free....

Re-tracing Steps

2008-10-22T06:29:00.000+08:00

Huh?

Where am I?

Better yet, who am I?

I have come to a realization that for quite some time, I was lost. And I'm trying to find a part of who I am that has almost been forgotten. It's like transitioning from one persona to another... unintentionally.

Is this what we call change? Do we really need to create a new person in every phase of one's life?

No. I don't want to believe it.

I want to try and have it back. A part of who I am that feels like I lost.

Hands... maintain your grip... feet don't fail me know. Mind... prepare for the worst because this will be one hell of a roller-coaster ride.

Gay Linggo Anywhoo?

2008-06-19T06:48:00.000+08:00

Para sa mga taong nahihirapan sa pag-intindi with our dear friends who are ever so fun.haha! Nakita ko sa PC ko might as well post it.

Gay Linggo Dictionary

aida gonzalez / aida borda
- ang kinatatakutang AIDS virus

adiquate / adiktus
- mga sumisinghot o nagtuturok ng illegal na droga; applicable din sa mga mukha lang talagang adik

anda / anjus / andalei
- lahat tayo gusto nito ... pera, limpak limpak na pera

akez / akechi / akechiwara
- katumbas ng pronoun na "ako"

anek-anek
- equivalent ng "anu-ano"

anufaflu
- binaklang "anu pa ba?"

ar-ar herrera
- walang koneksyon sa dating host ng "eh kasi bata;" tawag sa mga nag-iinarteng wala naman tamang sa lugar

aura / aurora sevilla
- umaali-aligid o nagpapapansin sa crush

award / award-winning
- na-sermonan or napagsabihan

balay / balay-china
- gay term for bahay

balaj / balahura
- nakalimot ng kanilang urbanidad

barda
- malaki at matangkad; pwedeng comliment, ok lang din kung hindi; short for bardagul

bangenge
- lasing o senglot to the max, as in ibang level

bayonic / bayaz / tek tek
- masturbate

bilat / bilat-chi / salot / babaitan
- ang tunay na salot sa buhay ng mga bading, ang kompitensiya ... walang iba kundi ang mga babae

bitter ocampo / bitterness
- walang konek sa ex ni tin tin hermosa; tawag sa taong nagda-drama, nag si-sentimiento at halos makapatay ng kapwa sa bitterness

beauty card
- katumbas ng pogi-points; pag ginamit ang charm para makarating o makuha ang pinakaasam-asam, china-charge ito sa beauty card

beau-con
- short for beauty contest; general term ito, mapa-miss gay o pang baryong pageant

bobita peron
- isang taong bobo, t*nga, inutil ... bobo

bona / bonamhin
- anal sex ... prangkahan na 'to

boogie / boogie wonderland
- nakakapagod pero hindi ito yung sayaw, masakit sa katawan dahil bubugan ito

book / booking
- lakad o date with a guy; pwedeng mauwi sa sex ito

borlogs
- katumbas ng salitang "tulog"

bumburumbei / boom boom
- hindi basta-basta pimples ... hindi na mabilang na pimples

byongkangan / kangkangan
- anal sex na walang humpay

chabilita
- mga chubby but cute; pwede gamitin sa mga ordinaryong chubby kahit hindi cute, pero wag mashadong abusuhin

chakka / chapter / chaka khan
- "panget" ang ibig ipakahulugan nito; kung hindi mo alam 'to, ikaw ang chakka

chorvah
- maraming ibig sabihin; pwedeng hindi lang maalala yung sasabihin niya kaya sinabi na lang niyang "chorva;" pwede ring tumutukoy sa sex; o kaya naman tawag mo sa jowa mo

constru / constructicons
- ang mga taong tumutulong sa pag-gawa ng mga infrastraktura; collective term para sa mga carpentero at mason na minsan masarap pagpantasyahan ... depende yan sa trip mo

cryola
- iyak ... kahit wala namang dahilan, qualified pa din yung term

daks / dakelya / dakas / biggee-a-note-a
- malaking kargada ng lalaki; walang definite measurement kung ano ang katumbas ng daks, pero pag naluha ka, yun na yon

deadlak
- patay na ... pantukoy sa mga totoong patay na o kaya walang ulirat

dilimgenic
- gwapo lang sa kadiliman

donna cruz
- tawag sa ulan ... "rain gently falls whenever we say goodbye ..."

EB
- abbreviation ng eye bol; eyebol ang tawag pag sa simula pa lang ang usapan ay magkikita lang para magchikahan, magkape o magtirintasan ng buhok

eching/ echos
- expression, pwede ring tawag sa mga taong nagwa-1-2-3 o literal na nangloloko ... as in talaga, hindi ako nange-eching

eklipany / eklips
- inaantok o tulog

eksenadora
- papansin, walang pinipiling kasarian; kung papansin, papansin talaga

effect / effectionate
- gwapo; as in lilingon-ako-bakit-hindi gwapo; or an expression of approval

ermingard
- a term for security guards

foundation day
- araw kung kailan nag foundation ka ng walang salamin at hindi pantay o mashadong makapal ang pagkaka-apply; in short nag foundation ka para gumanda, pero hindi ito halata

funda
- pressed powder o kaya foundation

gardan angel / gardo versosa
- security guard

ganda lang
- see beauty card

gelay
- another term for babae, totoong babae

getlak / getching
- kuhanin ang isang bagay

gandara parks
- isang magandang babae at mini-mean mo yun

girafeeeee / majirap
- less fortunate induvidual

hada / hadju
- the act of giving someone a blow job

haggard / haggardness
- pagod na pagod na itsura, nanunuyong balat at parang nagahasa ka ng 20 panget na lalaki; basically, pagod na pagod at wala sa party mood

hanashi
- general term for comment, pwedeng maganda o panlalait; most of the time yung ikalawa yon

hairlalu / herlilet
- pwedeng literal na buhok o yung humahaba pag nagmamaganda ka

imbey / imbyerna
- feeling na irita o inis towards something o someone

indiana jones
- siyang walang awang nagpapa-asa na pupunta pero hindi sisipot

incrimin / incri / fayattola
- sobrang payat, matamlay at mukhang sakitin

isda
- mga jologs na bagets na ruma-rampa sa mga plaza at nagpapa-hada

ispluk
- another term for chikka o sabi; most of the times ginagamit pag tsinitsismis mong may sinabi/inispluk na masama si kumare, parang ganon

jackson
-kalandian o yung taong nilalandi mo

jerbaks
- sh*t ... ta*; or to sh*t ... pagtae (baho ...)

jiritation
- irita o irritated, kahit alin lang sa dalawa ... kung gahaman ka, pwede rin pareho

jolina / jolina magdangal
- pwedeng katumbas ng tanong na "uwi ka na?" o kaya "tuli ka na?"

jologinding
- mga batang baklang jologs

jowa / bowa / bufra / asawa
- boyfriend o lover, pwedeng siryosohan o hindi

jubis
- mataba to the point na obese na; pwede ring general term for taba o mataba

julie yap daza
- mahuling may ginagawang kwestiyunable o mabaggansiya; pwede ring gamitin pag gusto mo nang umuwi

junanis
- an-an, pwede sa mukha o sa likod

kabog
- as in talbog lahat

karir / kape
- liniligawan o sinusuyong lalaki; pwede ring tawag pag over ka sa pagka-siryoso sa ginagawa mo ... parang tong diksyunaryong 'to, kinakarir ko

karu / kariret
- kotse o auto

kemerkemerlou
- wala lang, pandagdag pag hindi mo na alam ang sasabihin mo

khebs / khebber / khebang
- dead ka lang at walang pakialam

knowings
- alam ko na yan

kwala lumpoor / skwala / skwala lumpoor
- mahirap na nilalang

kuping / kopas
- another term for blow job

kurek
- meaning "tama ka diyan!"

kyoho / kyawti
- mabaho ... ipagsigawan mo talaga, para mas effect

kyolibash
- ang official sports ng mga bading ... volleyball

lafang / lapokstra / laps
- pagkain o akto ng pagkain, pwedeng tumukoy sa totoong pagkain o isang bahagi ng katawan ng tao

lulurki / duduki
- another term for lalaki

luz viminda / luz clarita / lucita soriano
- loss o talo

matus / mating
- mag nakaw; kuhanin nang walang paalam ...

matingera / watingera
- magnanakaw

mr clean
- tawag sa bading o taong nagmamalinis; pwedeng idugtong at kantahin ang karugtong na mga linya "... mahal ka namin."

magic / tiburcio / tiboli / patis tesoro
- our female counterpart ... mga tomboy

mermaid / mayda fatale
- katulong o house help

maderaka / mudra / mujai
- ang tawag mo sa ermat

maganda / nagmamaganda
- tawag mo sa kahit sinong umeeksena o nagmamarunong

motokiya
- motorcycle

nomo / nomohan
-inom o inuman o lasingan

nyostises
- pustiso

ohm / hombre / hombash
- more popular term for lalaki, regardless kung gwapo o hindi

onda / shonda / tanders / tanderbolt and lighnint very very frightening
- mga senior citizens

ostrich
-mayaman

pa-mhin / paminta / pamintang durog
- mga baklang obvious na bading pero nagkukunwaring straight

pang-rampa
- meaning trophy boyfriend

pang-kama
- mga jowang pang sex lang

pa-pampam
- papansin o nagpapapansin

pa-pay
- mga papang nagpapabayad

pasarap
- mga lalaking intentionally o unintentionally na mapang-akit at mapanukso

pasok
- meaning acceptable ang punchline o bumenta ang idea

pujai / pudra / paderaka
- tawag mo sa erpat mo

purita mirasol / purez / purita magdalena
- mga below poverty line o nag-iinarte kang walang pera; pwede ring pantukoy sa mga taong nagkukuripot

rampadora
- rampa nang rampa

ricah
- mayaman; pero hindi lahat ng mapera, reserved for people na maganda na mayaman pa

s'mellani marquez
- signal para amuyin mo ang isang nilalang kung may putok ba ito o kung puka rin ang hasang niya

SEB
- short for sex eye bol; pag ang eyebol e nauwi sa kama, o kaya dahil makakati kayo yun na agad napag-usapan, e nagiging SEB ang EB

service / nyerbis
- pag ang bading ay nagpa-blow job

shala
- general term for sosyal, minsan kahit hindi nababagay ... kaplastikan lang, ganon; pwede ring positive expression

shomodstra / shomod / taho
- short for "tamod extract"; refers to semen, ano ba?!!

sight
- nakita mo o nag-uutos kang tignan nila

siyano
-probinsiyano: sa isip, sa salita at sa punto

silantro / bi / bulate / silam
- mga silahis o bi-sexual

sisteraka / sisteret / ati / ning
- kaibigang bading o at least babaeng bading

slovak / slovakia / slovak republic
- mga mababagal pumick-up

sunshine cruz / shine shine cruz
- umaga o kaya paumaga na

tagilidgenic
- gwapo lang sideways

talak
- mga putak, walang humpay na panenermon, pamumuna and/or pagrereklamo

talakitok
- mga mahihilig tumalak

talikodgenic
- gwapo lang pag nakatalikod

taruzh
- expression equivalent ng "TARAY!"

tegi
- synonimous sa salitang patay

telag / shelag
- tinitigasan; tumatayo ang nota

tiis-ganda
- type of fashion sense wherein dead ma ka kung masakit, basta maganda sayo ex. masikip na sapatos at hindi na dumadaloy ang dugo sa bandang ibaba o manipis na damit at ginaw na ginaw ka na

TODA / paTODA
- mga tricycle driver; may mangilan-ngilan kasing gwapo talaga at hindi nababagay bumiyahe

warla
- away o pantukoy sa taong galit

warlatik
-taong mahilig makipag-away o kaya violent na

wirishima / wit / wiz / wa
- term of negation

wishing
- another term of negation

You

2008-06-14T04:02:00.000+08:00

Inspired me to become who I am at the present.

Believed in me that I can possibly do great things.

Trusted me so that someday I know I would make you proud.

But if it would mean I could be great at the expense of your happiness,

I'd rather be nothing.

Wala nalang akong kwenta.

Deep Reflections in Doubt

2008-06-13T09:01:00.000+08:00

Perhaps you can try to find the strength again. Maybe the fear is because you think you've given all of yourself and if something happens you will breakdown and have nothing at the end. If the love and the trust is not enough to overcome the fear then by all means, regain the strength.

Perhaps finding your lost self is a solution. Perhaps bridging the gap with the things you've given up for your loved one is necessary for you to become yourself again. Who knows... maybe after doing the soul-searching you might learn a lot about yourself. Who knows, there might be a realization that you don't need to be in the situation that you currently are in. Who knows, maybe you might wake up to a certain reality that you thought you are in love.

Don't get me wrong. I may be doing a lot of things, attending to a lot, but my love has always been the center of everything in my life. I've given a lot as well to the extent that my life already revolves around the very person I love. And I will severely breakdown if I lost. Call it the ultimate form of death.

But I will do everything to sustain it. If I have to give more I just need to be told. If I have to give everything up, I just need it to be said to me directly. If I need to do be more in order for my love to be always happy. Just tell me what I need to be and I will oblige.

In a relationship there is always somebody who loves more. If this is true then let me be at the losing end. Let me be the one who is miserable. Let me be the one who loves too much that it hurts and it scares that daylights out of me. I gladly want the pain if it means my loved one will always be happy.

How Much Do I Love My Job?

2008-04-18T10:58:00.000+08:00

Some may seek a direct answer, but if I give mine, it may come out rather illogical, or incomplete. I apologize if it would come too confusing. Perhaps an everyday story of irony would somehow shed light to it. So here it goes:

Nowadays, I feel that I am extremely burned-out due to the demands of my work. Let me state an example on one of those days.

From the moment I wake up, thoughts of emergencies and problems about work flood my mind. Even when I am taking a bath, my mind floats around processes, concepts, and tasks that I need to think about. My two-hour travel seems like an eternity of brainstorming and I find myself being half-drained. I haven't even reached the office to work yet. The door that leads to our department seems like it is the entrance to the battlefield. I feel that I am not yet prepared, but due to the tremendous amount of demands and expectations, I have to set foot, stand my ground and fight my way throughout the whole day. I open the door, walk slowly towards my station, looks come my way as they discover that I am now around. They approach... they "attack" and so the fight begins.

Together with a trusted comrade and strong, willful commanders, I handle 44 colleagues as they go about doing the things that they themselves need to do. I tackle issues that arise almost every hour and with a range from easy to extremely difficult. I rush toward deadlines and spend time on briefings and negotiations. I try to hit and exceed the targets that were provided for me, and for my team. Everything feels as if I am hanging on to dear life while facing the greatest storm. At anytime, there is this strong temptation to just let go.

However, at the end of the day, I always find reason to keep on fighting. This is because of my colleagues. Most of them always find a way to help each other and help the whole team. They go beyond what is asked of them… they exert extra effort in helping the team live through each day. I receive a word of gratitude or two, here and there, and I find myself satisfied.

I find joy in helping others.

If I could see happiness and content on a colleagues face, and I helped him/her experience it, I will be happy. If I could reach out my single hand and be able to help thousands, a contented smile will strike out of my face. If in the eyes of one, there is gratitude and acknowledgement shining through while looking at mine, mine will cry with tears of respectable pride.

I find them to be one of my sources of motivation and inspiration. I will strive to help them as much as I can. This is what keeps me coming back each day. This is what keeps me working. This is why I am still happy working for the company.

My love for work goes hand in hand with my service to its people. So if you ask me how much I love my work, you may not get the answer that you are looking for. It would depend on how you look at it.

“I love my work just as much as I love the people I am working with.”

Sa Kabilang Dako nang Pagkatao

2008-03-01T01:18:00.000+08:00

Kanya-kanyang pagkatao yan. Kung di mo pipiliting intindihin, baka malaking away ang pasukan mo.

Kilatisin:

Isang tahimik na tao na kung titingnan mo ay parang ayaw pumansin ng kapwa. Nagsasarili sa loob ng oras ng trabaho. Seryoso sa ginagawa at hindi ka kakausapin hanggang matapos ang shift. Subalit kapag humingi ka konting oras at kung kinausap mo siya nang masisinan, kalog pala siya. Ok pala siyang kasama.

Isang tao na punung-puno nang opinyon. Lahat ng bagay ay importanteng meron siyang kayang sabihin. Kung papansinin mo ay parang sobrang taray nang dating. Matulis ang dila at kahit ano kayang sabihin nang walang pakundangan. Masyadong maalam. Subalit kapag nakasama mo sa labas, kapag nakabonding mo na, nag-iibayo ang lahat. Hindi pala nalalayo ang kanyang pagkatao sa isang parte mo. Masarap kasama at kapag naging seryoso, malalaman mo na may kaliwanagan naman ang kanyang pagkatao. Mabait, matulungin at maaruga pala siyang tao.

Isang tao na alam nang lahat na mejo marami na siyang pinagdaanan. Ipinapakita sa lahat na kaya niyang gumawa nang solusyon sa lahat. Ipapamukha sa buong mundo na siya ay magaling at siya ang kumokontrol sa lahat ng sitwasyon sa kanyang paligid. Subalit kapag tingnan nang iba ay nakakairita. Kung tingnan nang ibang tao ay akala mo kung sino siyang basta kaya nalang magbigay nang opinyon. Aangkinin ang responsibilidad at magbibigay nang mga ideya ngunit kung magtrato nang ibang tao ay parang balewala nalang. Yan ang nasa mata ng ibang tao. Ngunit kung pagmamasdan nang masmalalim at iintindihin, isa lang siyang tao na gustong sinasabi ang mga nasa isip niya. Walang masama sa ganon.

Isang tao na may matinding yabang. Parang libag sa katawan na hindi nakukuha sa hilod. Bawat salitang lumalabas sa bunganga niya ay nakakairita dahil hindi mo alam kung pantaas ng bangko ba ito o pahamak para sa ibang tao. Pwedeng "insecurity complex" subalit makikita mo rin naman na by nature, mabait naman talaga siya. Mejo self-centered lang.

Lampas isang milyong pagkatao, lampas isang daang milyong kumbinasyon ng ugali. Pwedeng ikaw mismo ganito, pwede ring mga tao sa paligid mo. Nakakainteres. Masarap alamin at intindihin.

Malamang isa na ito sa mga rason para di ka mawalan ng gana sa buhay. Maaari din na ito ang maging rason kung bakit ayaw mo na sa buhay. hehe...

Nakakabaliw kung isipin ngunit ito ay magbibigay kulay sa bawat araw na haharapin.

Di ko na kayang irukin pa ang wikang pilipino. Sumasablay na ako. Bwahaha... hanggang dito nalang muna.

Transitions -- -- I'm back... :)

2008-02-25T11:26:00.000+08:00

Oh yes, this is part two of my rants. Why the hell me? I managed to keep my thoughts far long before but then I think it's high time for me to give a little bit more depth and specifics to my ranting. Being somebody that some people look up to does not mean that they can do almost anything. One of my friends and colleagues told me that you become somebody special because you are damn good at what you do. I sort of disagreed at some parts because I believe you become special because of the different things that you can do. But then again, when you think about it, why separate the personality? You become great because of your skill and because of your talent. Period.

Skill is acquired expertise. It is based on effort that is doubled, tried and tested through time. When you gain a skill, you develop into somebody better. When the time comes, you will have become an expert and everybody who are doing the same thing as you are doing, will naturally come to you for help and advise. This is one of the things that will let you be recognized.

Talent is inate. It is something that you already have, which proves to be an advantage in everything that you do. When you have something special, you become special. That is just how the way life goes. Each and everybody has talents. What matters is that you are able to use your talents to make good of things.

Concentrating on both of these, you will come to realize that life would be hard if you lose either one of them. Imagine an guitarist who lost one hand? What kind of life would he live? How about a doctor who has done something wrong and his medical license is ceased forever. You have the skill, but you are no longer able to use it. How would you feel?

Now why am I explaining these concepts? Coz it happened to me. I have the knack for solving website technical problems. As far as I know, this led me to excel. And now I'm being asked to do something I did not expect. Something I do not even like. And that is to learn a totally different line of work. I have just lost an edge. I will be tasked to help a bunch of people who actually have greater skill than me? What kind of help am I supposed to give when they already know how to solve their own problems? What kind of assistance can I provide when I don't even know what to do?

Sure in due time I will become an expert. But by the mere fact that the best people are already in the group, my efforts will turn into nothing. Shall I just sit pretty and expect everything to work out in itself? I don't have what it takes anyway. Time is irrelevant because they are already ahead of me. They will always know more than I do. So what can I do?

To treat it as a challenge is something more of a positive statement. And people who will be reading this will have another view of my situation. I already know the other side and it is also true. It's easier said than done though.

I'm just ranting because it all happened so suddenly and it is like a surprise attack. Now I have to live through it with all the expectations. It's all so stressing and I'm kinda losing my motivation to work.

On to the brighter side of things.

The new group is accommodating. Now that is something I'm always looking forward to. It's something that will keep me going. They are very nice and dedicated people. Perhaps all I have to do now is take care of them. I will just concentrate on the fact that I'm doing this to help the people I will be working with from now on. I find that task more rewarding -- Doing something to help the people and not just to improve the work they are already doing.

So if somebody asks me, do I like where I am right now? I'd probably say, "Nope" and I would say it without hesitations. But there will always be a follow-up statement.

"But I like who I'm working with... that's enough for me".

Suddenly

2008-01-12T05:54:00.000+08:00

I lost the will to write...

I lost the time to write...

Will I get it back?

Abangan...

TSIK BOOM

2007-12-31T14:38:00.000+08:00

Gather one and gather all. New year is coming after all.

I'm still alive, I'm still alright.

The end of the 2007 tunnel seems bright.

Looking back from the year that passed.

It seems I've done a big deal.

I grew up, mentally, physically, emotionally.

At some point in time I know I lived fully.

Let's go and celebrate this time.

Be prepared at the same time.

A new year is coming up.

And just like a firecracker, all we need is tiny spark

To make a big difference.

To leave yet another mark.

Happy new year everyone.

the Holidayz

2007-12-21T01:15:00.000+08:00

This is the time when people are nicer... warmer

People give more. People love more.

People are relaxed and happy.

In this time of the month, people are just simply ... better.

Why not live like this each and every day of the year?

Wouldn't the world be a better place to live in?

Perhaps the Holidays are a good place to start living and loving.

Enjoy the moment wherever you may be. Whatever you may be doing.

Catch the drift and be swayed. Be Happy.

It doesn't matter if you do not believe in the holiday.

Just believe that everybody has the right to be Happy.

Have a good one guys!

Sometimes...

2007-12-04T03:18:00.000+08:00

You'ld just wish you were dead and you know the world would be a better place.

When the Tower Crumbles

2007-10-31T04:07:00.000+08:00

And you can't save it, you watch it break.

Savor the moment of sadness and accept it.

Live with it.

When the tower falls down, and there's nothing else you can do,

You wait until every part of it is finished shattering.

And after it does... You try to rebuild it.

Sometimes you can't.

So you pick up the pieces that you could keep.

=========================================
I'll live with it.
=========================================

Why me?

2007-10-19T05:31:00.000+08:00

Why should I be the one picked?

I'm not special... I'm not even sure if I can do what is needed of me...

Why is it always have to be me?

I didn't ask for it... hell I didn't even want it!

Now I have to be the one to pick up the falling pieces?

Just because everyone else thinks I could.

Just because I think I could?

What if I fail? Will you criticize me for it?

What if nothing happens? Will you put the blame on me?

Am I some sort of scapegoat?

But of course... this is my life now... since I chose it. I need to obey.

Be assured that I will do my best and I wont hold back.

I trust in myself.

If all else fails... I will survive.

Magic Eye!

2007-10-17T05:04:00.000+08:00

Some of you may not know what this is but this is called a Magic Eye Picture! If you change your line of vision and distort it a little bit (parang naduduling ba) you will be able to see a cute little bunny at the center. This is one of the good 3d pictures ever made!

Just reminiscing my grade school days nung sikat pa ang mga ganito. Namiss ko yung bibisita ako sa library tapos titig lang nang titig sa mga Magic Eye posters na andun.

Shempre now that I now a lot. May idadagdag lang akong insights about magic eye. Ehem...

Things aren't always what they seem to be.

Always try to look at things from a fresh or different perspective.

Don't judge a book by it's cover.

Sometimes, you just don't see the important things are right in front of you.

Ayun... mejo malalim na ang iniisip ko di na angkop. haha Enjoy!

Once an Unwanted Treasure

2007-10-11T06:19:00.000+08:00

For more years than I could ever remember, I did not think that I would go and look for this again. I always felt ashamed when mentioning it because I thought it was really something trivial. It's almost considered an antique but then again, it is full of significance to somebody. I can't believe I would risk bruises and severe sweat just to dig this up again.

Now that I'm holding it in my hands, I will not hesitate to share it and show it to anyone who wants to. Specially my baby Candice who I do believe I promised to show this almost a year ago.

Now I can keep my promise!

Now I would even be proud that I toiled to get this once again.

I consider this as my treasure now. If you wanna see it, just say the word. As long as I can physically let you see it, I will.

It's all mine... it's all me... and I'm sharing it with you.

Curious? Care to see? Then just look for me. :P

It;s not like a Game of Poker

2007-10-09T06:01:00.000+08:00

Reckless is when you think the choices that you make are still your own but you fail to recognize that destiny can be intertwined. You may control your own destiny but it will affect somebody else.

Making a decision can be simple but it is never easy.

Responsibility is always there.

Credibility is existent.

Trust is essential.

If you fail to consider any of the mentioned, congratulations asshole. You have just scarred somebody for the rest of his or her life.

You may have been saved, but at the expense of others.

You may go and risk it all but in the end, there's always a chance that you would lose.

It's partly a gamble but never just a game.

Choose your move wisely. Because you just don't lose money when it comes to life.

Thoughts in Having Sipon

2007-10-02T10:46:00.000+08:00

I never really liked to be sick. You get so much attention from everybody and it feels like you can't do anything right. People give you leeway and try to understand that since you're sick, you can't do much and they feel they have to protect you every way they can. I feel like so weak and defenseless.

But come to think of it, the pampering is not that bad. I get to just lie down and people will cook for me, bring me stuff, and ultimately leave me alone to get well. *wink wink* I also get a lot hugs and kisses from my Sweet Baby Love. Yay! ...

I think there are some people who think they could escape from life by being sick. If they have stuff to do... if they have some responibilities that they are just tired to doing, they pretend to be sick. Some would have been really happy if they actually got sick.

Not me. I'd rather be well. I want to know that I'm well enough to do the things I choose to do. I wanna be well enough to take on the responsibilities given to me. I want to know that I'm well enough to live and to love.

So now, I'm trying to get well. I'm resting and blowing my nose. At the same time, forward to another day at work... another day in life... and a loving and fun time with my baby.

Warning: For people with a mature and open mind only.

2007-09-29T02:06:00.000+08:00

Problems come up in every relationship. But from time to time, some couples reach the point where they question if their relationship is worth saving.

Issues:

If you had to create a short list of people you could spend the day with, would your partner be on that list? Do you genuinely enjoy each other's company? Do you laugh when you’re together?

Do you have the same values, goals and interests? Do you and your partner enjoy doing the same things? Do the two of you want the same things out of life?

Do you express a lot of affection and appreciation for each other? Or is there mostly indifference, negativity and hostility in your relationship?

Does your partner make you feel understood? Does your partner try to see your point of view? When discussing things, does your boyfriend or girlfriend listen to what you have to say?

Is your relationship based on fairness? Does your partner see you as an equal? Do you feel you are treated with respect? Or do you feel used, exploited, or taken for granted?

Do you feel that your partner will be there for you in a time of need? Can you count on him/her for help when the going gets tough?

Do you feel comfortable sharing your innermost thoughts with your partner? How easy is it for you to talk to your partner about sensitive issues?

When you disagree with each other, do the two of you work together and try to resolve your differences? Or is there a lot of hostility, disregard and contempt when disagreements arise?

Does your partner satisfy you sexually? Do you have sex on a regular basis? Or are you disappointed or frustrated with your sex life?

==========================================
Believe me, these are but some of the questions that when asked to people with a narrow mind, they break-up with their partners immediately.

============================================
Love is acceptance of each other and the development of life intertwined. It's not a quest for the perfect partner.
============================================

What does it feel like to be Popular?

2007-09-28T01:28:00.000+08:00

I really want to know. I want to know how it is to be recognized by all. I want to know what it really feels to be appreciated even just for your presence. To be given gifts by people you barely know… to be complimented for what you are wearing or what you are currently doing… even it it’s just nothing.

Yeah that’s right. Even if you’re doing nothing you would still be noticed and praised. Your every move is showbiz. Your every breath may even be counted.

What does it feel like to know that a whole lot of people like you and try to be like you? I really want to know. I just want to know. I would not even wish to be popular. I just want to understand the feeling and compare.

In the end, I just want to make a decision. Am I happier with who I am now? Or should I make my presence known… … …

Favors VS Experience

2007-09-21T05:15:00.000+08:00

What is the feeling when you see someone who is not worthy of being recognized, be taken up on a pedestal? What is the feeling of knowing that you are better... stronger.. faster... smarter... or simply, more worthy than this person? Seems to be an awful thought. But shit happens, so deal with it? OH HELL NO!

This world is pretty much different from how it was before. It's not what you do but whom you know. If you are friends with a whole lot of influential people, you get to go places.

Sorry to those who have tried so hard to get to where they are. Sorry to those who have spent most of their lives in trying so hard to be recognized. This shit is for real and it's slowly eating up all the good things in this world. Sorry for those who have sacrificed a big deal but gain nothing. -- Tss... freakin ridiculous.

I beg to differ. I will never accept favors and sell my soul. I will never accept acknowledgement without proving myself first. I don't even give a fuck about what other people say. I just do what I need to do and that is it. If I get recognized, fine... thanks. If I go unnoticed, who the hell cares? Work harder.

All I know is that I'm on my own track -- doing what I gotta do to survive. All I care about is the people around me -- the people I call my friends. I gain friends by caring and reaching out. I don't have friends to collect and use, and dispose off when everything is done. It's so frustrating to see someone who treats other people like freakin whores.

I am strong... I am fast... but I know I will never be better than everybody. That stupid thought is ridiculous. All I know is that I have to be better than I was yesterday. It drives me to strive for self-perfection. It helps me to stay the humble but still be better than myself. I don't need to compare myself with anybody else. Because I know I'm different. I run my own pace and I get by, slowly flying high. I will never seek favors from friends ... damn that's so low.

Sucks to know that one day you will be up there but you know nothing about your current stature. I dun ever wanna know how that feels. I will climb that mountain... I will realize true accomplishment when I get to the top. I will toil... I will bleed... I will sacrifice. I will get to places with my own two goddamn feet.

This is who I fuckin am... this is who I fuckin promise to be.

The Cure for an Overactive Mind

2007-09-20T05:13:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep! When I get home at around 8AM, I eat breakfast, smoke a stick and prepare for bed. I try to close my eyes for little while but random thoughts come into my mind. Work, Life, other stuff... I can't enumerate them because they come by me in a flash and it spins around and it's so hard to pinpoint them and... ARGH! I wanna sleep soundly for a change.

It's so tough to sleep for two hours and then wake up and try very hard to sleep again. It's as if you're not getting any rest because you are troubled with every thought. The disturbing part about it is, my thoughts are generally not that dark and heavy. I'm no worrying about anything when I'm at home. It feels like I just have so much energy in my mind and my body is not enough as a container. It feels so frustrating.

Luckily I have my Baby Candice. The thought of her relaxes me from time to time. Actually, having her in my life inspires me quite a lot. I do better at work, I do better in life, I survive each and everyday and it's all because of her. I owe it all to her.

My love... my life.

I miss my baby. How I wish it's saturday once more.

The Flop!

2007-09-18T04:02:00.000+08:00

Potah! Nakita niyo ba sa news yung isang sikat na singing artist (no need to mention names) ay nagkamali sa pagkanta ng Lupang Hinirang? bwahahahaha! Super Sabaw! National Anthem natin di kayang kantahin nang tama. Nang isilang kang Pilipino at sa oras na magkaroon ka nang muwang sa mundo, itinuro na ang kantang toh tapos magkakamali ka pa! Iyon na siguro ang isa sa mga pinakamalaking pagkakamali na pwede mong gawin.

** Thinks very hard** Shet... ako rin pala di ko kabisado. ** Looks at the mirror with a hypocritical stare** Damn! WTF man! I ain't nationalistic enough? Is that an explanation? OMG! What an asshole! (Still looking at the mirror)

Silence

2007-09-13T03:50:00.000+08:00

I wish even for once I could slip into silence mode. Not that I'm talkative... it's just that when I'm at work, I don't have the time to enjoy my daydreams. Being alone and staying quiet used to be fun... haaaayyyzzz...

The Day Before... and the Day After

2007-08-27T20:25:00.000+08:00

Preparations have already been made. I know I'm ready to be with her and simply dedicate the whole day just hanging out with the love of my life. There have been some obstacles along the way. Rain, police, no transportation, an untimely engagement at the office -- these are but some of the things that posed as a problem. But we managed to get by. Nothing will ever stop us from being together.

The day has finally arrived, we shared the first part together with friends. Sharing toasts and simply having fun. It was a nice way to start the celebration. After that we headed towards the hotel. I stayed at the poolside while she makes preparations. She rang me on my phone so I went up to greet her once more. When I reached the door to our room, she opened it and covered my eyes with her sweet, soft hands. She guided me towards the bed and greeted me. "Happy Anniversary, Baby!" When I opened my eyes, I could not believe the beauty that was right in front of me. The bed had a cloth in the middle, rose petals were scattered all around. There was a box with roses attached to it. There was also a bottle of wine inside the icebox. Candles were quietly but brightly burning around the room. It was a sight to see. My heart was warmed and I felt like crying tears of joy. I am lost for words and I know I will never be able to use them to explain what I saw. We had the time of our lives... alone... together... it was a brief moment of heaven.

The day after was seemingly normal. I fetched her from her house and went to some familiar places. We had dinner. We still had fun. Indeed everything was seemingly normal but we both know that there is something special. We've been loving each other for a year now. We are going strong. Perhaps even stronger than ever before. I can't believe how lucky I am to have Candice in my life.

The anniversary is just for one day. It's done. But there will be more to come. It's just the start of a loving life together. It's the first day of the rest of our lives...

I've never been happier...

Introvert Conversion

2007-08-22T04:48:00.000+08:00

I used to be an extreme introvert. I had a traumatic experience that I though would scar me for life. I used to just talk to people straight out and mingle and be friends rather quickly. However, one incident made me speechless, disappointed and embarassed. I tried to reach out to some people and they just humiliated me. I was just trying to be friendly. Instead, they ridiculed me as if I was mentally retarded or something.

Right now, I'm the type of person who will not smile ... who will not say the first greeting, unless i've been friends with you for quite a long time. Of course we all know that time is relative but I will rely on my gut feeling when dealing with people.

Don't get me wrong though... I won't bite. If anybody wants to talk to me, then just do it. I'll show you a smirk and please understand that it already is a great effort for me.

I'm the exclusive type of guy. Only friends and loved ones will see me for who I really am.

Sincere Letter

2007-08-16T03:25:00.000+08:00

Grabe toh... di ko kinaya... ang sakit sa tiyan... woooohhh!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We've been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother.
Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I
gave him a second look.

I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast,
really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me.

He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?"

Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's
so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, "Connect me if i'm wrong but are you
asking me ouch?"

"The!?!!??". .. ang sarcastic na sagot nya.

Aba! The verb! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya!
I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in
the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we should go ouch na rin. Now,
we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our
fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time.

After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a
state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true
good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces.
Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng
humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The
nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is
that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to
sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. As is!!! I
don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the
marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her
anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin
siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my
boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this
way. She's our of our lives."

Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn
the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll
just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second
emotion.

I miss Dancing

2007-08-10T04:17:00.000+08:00

I miss the free flow of the body. I miss the sweat and the bursts of energy. I miss moving my body and grooving to the beat of loud street music.

I wanna dance again. I wanna feel free...

On Looking Forward

2007-08-09T03:43:00.000+08:00

Everybody needs a little time to think about their future. A plan always needs to be set. A dream ... a goal... no matter how hard you try not think about it, time will come and force itself into your mind.

Stand your ground and brace yourself. You're in for a ride to your possible future. I wish us all the best of luck.

Specially to my baby... the best of luck to you. I hope everything turns out well.

Shit Happens

2007-08-07T02:35:00.000+08:00

Can you say LBM? How bout when you have one? Would you still be able to say it with a straight face?

I went home early today and I found out that I didn't have enough loose change to go home. I managed to scrounge up for coins and fortunately had enough to reach cubao. By then I only had a 1000 peso bill. Luckily, Jollibee was open so I bought breakfast to satisfy my tummy desires and break my money.

I believe I ordered too much.

A few seconds after I went out, my stomach acted up. My goodness! The pain! It was unbearable! I tried so hard to contain the feeling but I nearly couldn't. I actually felt my stomach being bloated with air and it's finding it's way to get out. Not by burping ... need I say more?

I walked slowly to my next ride and carefully chose it. The jeepney. I chose to ride a jeepney. You can just imagine me riding at the back of the jeep, perspiring and clenching my fists and biting my lips and all that. A little air escaped my "backside" from time to time and I prayed so hard for the other passengers not to notice it. IF YOU SMEEELLLLL WHAT THE JACE IS COOKING!

Wooohhhooo! Luckily it was a rather short but painful ride. I managed to get home and let the devil lose! DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT!

And it is... it's wet and it's a bit warm.

Hehe... I hope I didn't spoil anybody's appetite.

Trauma of the Troubled Boy-Magnet

2007-07-27T03:55:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna tackle two things here.

I remember when I was around 11, I was walking around at the mall on an early afternoon. I checked our those new computer games being displayed. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I heard a soft but masculine voice. "Psst... pogi". I was terrified because I know I was the only other person there. So I started to walk away. After about 5 minutes, I heard that scary voice again. "Huy pogi... Ano pangalan mo?" This sent shivers to my spine. I was much to young and this man... he was towering over me. I know I couldn’t fight back. So decided to give a fake name. “Richard”. “Richard, ang gwapo mo talaga” Na-*toot* (Oral sex in tagalog) ka na ba?” This question triggered me to run as fast as I could ... to the security guard... who asked the same question. Haha just kidding. The part with guard did not happen. But this was the time when my Trauma began.

Those were the younger years when I could not differentiate homosexuality from Pedophilia. My mind was filled with negativity because of that incedent.

Fast forward to the present. I’m old enough to know the difference now. The years that I’ve garnered in this world has given me enough experience to know better. I am happy to say that my trauma is gone. Only being a boy magnet remains.

Now on to topic two.

I don’t know why but a lot of gay people seem to like somebody like me. Why? I’m not tall, dark and handsome. I’m just dark. I’m not even the very accommodating type of guy? So why choose somebody like me? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bragging or anything. Besides... is there really something to brag about? Hmmm... very good question.

A colleague of mine said this to me a few days back “Jace, it’s not so bad”. And come to think of it. Yeah... it’s not bad! I’m actually proud that somebody likes me for me. Whether he’s a she or she’s a he or whatever! I’m happy that I am accepted for being who I am. Just the same way as I have accepted them for who they are.

I’m not a homophobic. I have Ed I have Mike I have Kiko and Mark and all of my other gay friends. They actually turn out to be true people. They make a lot of other people happy and they have come to accept that they are different. They are happy with who they are. Some of them actually turned out to be one of my very good friends, they are treasures that I am willing to keep. I love them for being them ... and I will fight with anybody who condemns them.

I just don’t like the type who stalks you and asks that dreaded question (brrr)

So, to conclude this all, I’ve just come to a better understanding of my life.

Just one of the things I’ve been thinking about while going home. Believe me, this is not even a single percentage of the confusion that is my mind.

Concoction of Everyday life

2007-07-26T02:26:00.000+08:00

1) Greet my super lovely and sexy baby a good morning before going to sleep

2) Sleep at least 7 hours

3) Dream a good dream (Perhaps dream happy dreams with my baby love)

4) Wake up and Iron clothes

5) Take my early dinner

6) Hopefully take a huge dump (What's the opposite of LBM? Constipation?)

7) Take a bath and get ready for work

8) Go to work and try very hard not to be late

9) Message my super sweet and super loving baby as soon as I get to the office

10) Work like tomorrow is just a few hours away and you still have a lot to do

11) Go home

12) Rinse and Repeat for the following day until friday only

aaaaahhhh.... delicious... :)

Sounds routinary? Yes it may seem so... but its the story of my life. I'm happy with it. Especially with my baby around, life is happy. I'm so lucky... :)

Please don't get me wrong though. I'm always looking forward to the weekends. Relaxation is just as important as work. Plus I get to have a biiiggg hug and biiiiggg kiss from the person I love the most! Yay!!!

Half of the week is done... Thank God!

Some things you just gotta do

2007-07-25T02:42:00.000+08:00

July 25, 2007 5:00 AM

Just this morning I was normally travelling home from work. I rode a jeepney from buendia to guadalupe and this was the time that all normal things faded.

I was just about half a mile away from my stop when me and the other passengers glanced upon two men running away from a full-stopped jeepney. The driver of that other vehicle was actually trying to chase these men and he kept on shouting "Tang ina magnanakaw!". In a blink of an eye, the driver of our jeepney made a complete stop, took out a stick and began chasing the men as well. The other driver just couldn't catch up but our jeep was actually blocking the way of the notorious people and our driver was now running towards them. They had them seemingly blocked.

Suddenly, one of the men pounced upon our driver like a football player and began launching fists at his face. The other guy observed the ground, carried a small rock and tried to face the other driver. The other driver halted and tried to look for a weapon of his own.

At this time, I had flashbacks of my past. This is nothing new to me anymore. The first time this happened, three people left an innocent man for dead and I was a few feet away. I chanced upon this but I could not do anything since the vehicle I was riding did not stop. This time though... I knew I could not let it happen again.

The other guy left his partner to chase the other driver so I know I have a chance to do something. I immediately went down from the jeep and approached the two fighting men. Our driver's face is already swollen. Blood was gushing out of his nose and mouth. His whole body is bound to the ground as the snatcher was mounted on him. He had no escape. I had to do something. So I did... I kicked the sonofabitch's face. He rolled away from the driver and covered his face so as to block my attacks. I kept on looking for an opening. His left cheek, his neck, his chest; I was punching like there's no tomorrow.

Suddenly, a thud came out of nowhere, I didn't feel it at first but I knew I was hit. I staggered away for bit to try to come into my senses. That's when I noticed that the partner of the guy was already in the scene. He hit me. I guess adrenaline worked with me and I did not feel a thing. It's now three against two and I'm dying for some payback.

Just then, two other people came into the rescue. A bus conductor and another jeepney driver. Seeing this, the two guys ran away and the chase started once again. They made a right into the a corner beside a gas station and the good men followed behind. As for me, I could not run anymore... I felt the pain at the back of my head. One of the passengers said that I was punched by the other guy. Luckily it was just a punch.

It was all too much for me so I rode another jeepney and headed towards home.

I reached the house safe and sound although with an aching head. But deep down inside I know I am relieved. I am not exactly proud of what I did but I will be damned if I didn't do it at all.

There are just some things, some people just gotta do.

Chances and Choices

2007-07-24T03:28:00.000+08:00

I have come to believe that this is what a majority of my life is made of right now. There are things that you are able to control... and there are things that just come to your life. Both are intertwined and can never be separated.

When you wake up one morning and you only have a single piece of fish to eat. You scrounge up all of the coins lying beside your bed and find that it is enough to buy a pack of instant noodles or pancit canton. That, my friends, is the perfect example of the elements of my life working together. It is luck that allowed me to live yet another day of nightmare and poverty. Sarcasm aside though, I'm lucky to still be alive. It is my choice to go through the day and look for ways to improve the quality of my life even a little. And I do so... everyday.

Just the same goes with work. It is by chance that I was accepted to work. Knowing the kind of person I was before, I never thought I would even land a job again. Life has it's way of giving me chances to improve myself. It gives me a chance to prove to the world that I can survive on my own. I can do things better than I have done before. It is my choice to improve myself. I chose to continue working and helping others with their work. I chose to serve... and I happily do.

In life, it is by chance that you would meet somebody who would make your heart skip a beat everytime. You might not notice it. You might not know the exact answer but there's always something that attracts you to that special someone. It just so happens that this person becomes a very important part of yourself. He/She becomes your other half. There may be others who are more attractive. There may be others who are smarter, wiser.. But you will choose to stick with the one you love. For me, it is a choice to continue loving that important person in your life. I chose to love... and I've never been happier.

That is what love is all about. That is what life is all about. Chances and choices. Both are elements of my life. Both are intertwined and inseperable.

Striking a Balance

2007-07-10T23:37:00.000+08:00

Life is boring if you always go on a straight line. Life is not about being serious all the time. It’s about being serious for the right reasons and at the right time.

Prioritizing is the key to managing your life effectively. But then again, how would you classify something as important and less important? This information I do believe depends on each person. They have to understand what is important to them and they should work their way from it.

Of course, rest and relaxation was not invented for nothing. Having fun is not a sin. It is a way of unwinding and enjoying the fruits of your labor. What’s the reason for working if you won’t be able to reap what you have sowed?

You can’t expect me to be serious all the time. You can’t expect me to be perfect every time. I will make a mistake because life balances me out. It is what keeps me humble. I’m only human after all.

I will always strive to be the better me. But nobody should condemn me for my mistakes. Nobody should be angry if I go out of my way – if I do something out of the ordinary, something out of the routine.

I promise in the end, I will be where I want to be. I’m just simply having fun and taking my time. This is my balance. You can’t beat me. You might just as well join me… :P

TAMA NA TOH INUMAN NA!

Love is

2007-07-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

The extremes of everything.

The most profound happiness of life.

The power that goes beyond reason.

The value of life.

Sweet.

Warm.

Understanding.

Forever.

Congratulations to My lovely Sister Dina Mae and Her Hunk Husband Deene. May you have the happiness that you truly deserve. Happy Wedding guys... good times!

Choose Your Own Adventure

2007-07-03T23:51:00.000+08:00

Choose your own adventure

I woke up today and I felt hungry so I went to the dining table to see if there is something I wanted to eat. I found that there’s Pancit and adobong manok on the table. These came from stuff that I bought in the market with my own money. Both are dishes that I really like but unfortunately, my tummy is acting up and I knew I could only eat one dish.

If I eat Pancit, I might not survive the whole day just by eating that. I might have to pay more than my budget at lunchtime to eat something that would satisfy me.

So I chose to eat adobong manok. My tummy was relieved.

About a year ago, I was thinking that I was getting too fed up with my work. There’s always something that needs to be done, people to follow-up. It’s always about getting the job done and I was rather new to the job. Can’t I have a rest? Even for a single day?

And then I thought about it, if I have a break, my work would be doubled on the following day, and for all the days to come.

So I chose to work continuously. I got used to the tasks and up until now, I’m still working for the same company. I’m happy for now.

I had so many problems when I was in highschool. They used to drive me crazy day and night. I couldn’t think well. I couldn’t do the things that I needed to do. I just wanted to sulk in a corner and gaze into nothingness. I felt so tired each time … so tired that I actually wished to end it all.

Live or Die. I chose the former. I guess life has something else in store for me so I’ll stick around a little bit more.

Life revolves in the choices we make. If I chose to die a few years back, I wouldn’t be able to work in IHG and meet real, and wonderful people. I wouldn’t have the money to buy ingredients to make pancit or adobong manok, and since it was the only food on the table today, my brother would have been hungry.

The choices we make either enhance or deteriorate the quality of life we have. If I chose to eat Pancit I would have been hungry the whole day or I would have had LBM. If I chose to rest instead of working, I would have suffered a heavy workload. If I chose to die a few years back, I would not have felt the love of my future wife -- This wonderful and ecstatic feeling that makes me feel that I can do the impossible.

I choose to eat. I choose to work. I choose to live. I choose to love. I choose to continue making a choice. That’s the adventure of my life.

What Makes a Good Product?

2007-06-30T00:20:00.000+08:00

Is it because of its supreme aesthetic value? Is it because of its ability to satisfy you on the specific thing that you currently need? Is it all of the above or is it none.

Let’s take DOTA for example. The challenge of leveling your character and conquering others in real time play is what interests players the most. The graphics are very good and game style is flexible. It may look easy for an amateur, yet it is highly complicated for the pro. Balance is achieved. The interest is retained… and thus, Dota is one of the most played games here in the country and even abroad.

A point to take into consideration though, I’m not sure that everybody knows this fact. DOTA is actually just a Map version of Warcraft. It is supposed to be an external mini-mission that was developed as an additive to Warcraft 3. It was actually supposed to be nothing but a sideshow. But it was recognized, appreciated… even loved and addicted.

Surprising? Yes… an absolutely astonishing piece of discovery. The game as captured the hearts and minds of hundreds of thousands of players worldwide. Good job! This needs a follow-up question. Was DOTA able to retain the players’ interests? There is no doubt that they did.

They upgraded… they developed patches. Newer versions of the game was created and installed to enhance the game style. Almost every month something, new came up. The ideas of the players as well as their imagination and creativity were further aroused. Because of this, DOTA has been played for more than a year now.

Think about it. A product that was almost considered as trash turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened in the gaming industry.

In light of everything mentioned above, let us see if our abilities of deduction are considerable.

A man is born with a stupid and arrogant father who loves alcohol more than he loves himself. He is so angry at the world and he takes it out on his wife.

This man is born with a mother who loves herself more than her children - an excuse of a woman who is fixated in winning the hearts of her rich neighbors.

But the man grows up to become the owner of a multinational company, earning 8 digits a month. He has a wife whom he loves more than anything in this world. And by God his wife loves him just as well. He has three very happy kids who look up to him as the best father one could ever have.

What makes a good product? What makes a good man?

Is it because of its supreme aesthetic value? Does its history have something to do with it?

Is it because of its ability to satisfy you on the specific thing that you currently need?

Or is it because of the capacity to be recognized and appreciated for the good things that you do… the ability to improve, develop, and be better than ever. To be something/somebody that will capture the hearts and minds of everybody…forever.

You be the judge.

**wala lang… napaisip lang bigla habang nagyoyosi sa labas.

Inhalant

2007-06-29T01:16:00.000+08:00

The smell could sting your nose and make you dizzy. But for me... I liked it. The smell is very familiar. It reminded me of a possible freedom. Freedom from wordly concerns... freedom from pain.

While breathing in, I was taken back to my highschool days. I was so carefree and happy-go-lucky back then. If I encountered something harsh, something emotional, I would just need to slip into another world and play with my mind. The feeling is indeed familiar...I felt I'm about to be high.

But of course, now I know better. I know better than to succumb into that temporary freedom. I know that if you keep inhaling this fuming substance, it actually destroys your mind as well as your body. I know that I should keep away from this stuff and stay healthy.

Just remeniscing the time that I was another person. The smell reminded me. That addictive scent.

"Bossing guard, pwedeng pakisabi na tanggalin yung amoy ng pintura chaka thinner sa elevator? Baka may ma-adik... joke"

Wow... I'm the worst Possible Person Ever ;P

2007-06-27T01:54:00.000+08:00

If you go over 45, you're a bad influence. If you go under 10, chances are live under a rock and have no life... even more harsh. Total the number of things in each list you've done.

1. smoked
2. consumed alcohol
3. slept with someone of the opposite sex
4. slept with someone of the same sex
5. kissed someone of the same sex
6. had sex
7. had someone in your room other than family
8. watched porn
9. bought porn
10. done drugs

TOTAL: 9

1. taken painkillers
2. taken someone else's prescription medicine
3. lied to your parents.
4. lied to a friend.
5. snuck out of the house
6. done something illegal
7. cut yourself.
8. hurt someone.
9. wished someone to die
10. seen someone die

TOTAL: 10

1. missed curfew
2. stayed out all night
3. eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
4. been to a therapist
5. been to rehab
6. dyed your hair
7. received a ticket.
8. been in an accident
9. been to a club
10. been to a bar

TOTAL: 8

1. been to a wild party
2. seen the Mardi Gras
3. drank more than four beers in a night
4. had a spring break in Florida
5. sniffed anything
6. wore black nail polish
7. wore arm bands
8. wore t-shirts with band names.
9. listened to rap
10. owned a 50 Cent CD

TOTAL: 6

1. dressed Gothic
2. dressed prep
3. dressed punk
4. dressed grunge
5. stole something
6. been too drunk to remember anything
7. blacked out
8. fainted
9. had a tatoo

TOTAL: 7

1. snuck into someone else's room
2. had a crush on your friend
3. been to a concert
4. dry-humped someone
5. been called a cunt
6. called someone a cunt
7. installed speakers in your car
8. broken a mirror
9. showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
10. brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush

TOTAL: 7

1. consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper
2. seen an R-rated movie in theater
3. cruised the mall
4. skipped school
5. had surgery
6. had an injury
7. gone to court.
8. walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
9. caught something on fire
10. lied about your age

TOTAL: 8

1. owned/rented an apartment
2. broke the law in the police's presence
3. made out with someone who had a gf/bf
4. got in trouble with the police
5. talked to a stranger
6. hugged a stranger
7. kissed a stranger
8. rode in the car with a stranger
9. been harassed
10. been verbally harassed

TOTAL: 9

1. met face-to-face with someone you met online
2. stayed online for 5 hours straight
3. talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
4. watched TV for 5 hours straight
5. been to a fair
6. been called a bad influence
7. drink and drive
8. prank-called someone
9. laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
10. cheated on a test

Total: 10

Grand Total: 83

-If You Have Less Then 10, write [Im A Goody Good]
-If You Have More Than 10, write [im still a goody good]
-If You Have more Than 20, write [im average]
-If You Have More Than 30, write [im a bad kid]
-If You have more than 40, write [im a very bad influence]
-If You Have more than 50, write [wow, im the worst possible person ever]

June 21

2007-06-21T05:29:00.000+08:00

Marks a very special day for me. It is also a very special day for a very important person in my life. She's the person I thought I would never have. Sweet, thoughtful, understanding, kind, compassionate, trustworthy, pretty, sexy and loving: these are but some of her traits.

I used to think before that I was unlucky. I used to think that I could never meet somebody who could appreciate who I am and what I am. And then she comes into my life and I have never been happier.

June 21 marks a very special day ... not only for me but for my loved one as well. This is a day that I am forever thankful to God that He created her. She touched the lives of many... and that includes my own. She's a treasure that I was so lucky to find. She's the love that I am so priveleged to have.

Candice Marie Kathleen Garcia... Happy Happy Birthday. May you have many more to come. I love you very very much...

Open letter to the "Problematics"

2007-06-18T09:10:00.000+08:00

Dear Person,

So you think you have the biggest problems in the world. But you should be happy with your current situation. You think your issue needs so much attention and you look for assistance and advice... What's the use of it all if you don't listen? You say you understand and you blame genetics by saying this is "Who I am"; but the real problem is the attitude that you're geared towards to when it comes to life.

Don't be too smart... you'll lose interest in the finer points of life. You'll be insensitive and unappreciative of the little things that still make people happy.

Don't be too dumb... you won't live another day.

Don't be too sensitive... people will tend to stay away. Nobody likes a doormat and nobody likes a friend with issues that much.

Don't be too numb... you won't have the capacity to feel the pain of others and reach out.

Sometimes, it's better to keep some things to yourself. If you have a problem, try to resolve it on your own. If you take advice from others, appreciate it, accept it. Acknowledge it! You don't need to put into action but take from what you feel you need the most.

Just think about this. Other people have the danger of losing their homes. Have you experienced that? Some people fear that they won't live another day. Do you feel the same? Some people will always have greater issues in life compared to you. So don't be so indulged with yourself. Sometimes I wish that you'ld feel a "real" problem. Something that would rumble that quiet brain of yours. Something that would keep you awake at night and zombie-like in the morning. If that happens... then you know there actually is a problem. My guess is you'ld change... you'ld grow.

This is an open letter to some people I know. To the people who think they have a problem but still live a happy life, I hope this entry get's you like a dagger piercing through your heart. To the people I know who have "real" problems... welcome to club. I have a rather large heart and a very open mind. I'll beer with you anytime. :P

Simply one of the best

2007-06-12T07:06:00.000+08:00

There's nothing like spending a day of full pampering together with the love of your life. After work, me and my super sweet and sexy love stayed at the Holiday Inn in Galeria. We stayed at an upgraded room with a king bed.

The room was nice, spacious and cozy. The bath tub was big enough for the both of us and the room has a "sort of" city view. I did three and a half turns on the bed before I fell, that was how big it was. Overall, we liked our room.

The hotel was situated at walking distance from Robinson's galleria, we ate at burgoo for dinner and we went out of the hotel to smoke. That was when we found out that there was a newly built TGIFridays right beside the hotel entrance and at the back part of the mall. If only we knew, we would have eaten there instead.

The best part of the day was simply lying down on the bed, hugging my baby tight and knowing that that the person I'm holding now is the most important part of my life. My worldly concerns and problems seem to be forgotten and I am enveloped in bliss. Nothing else matters ... only her. This made me come to a realization that I really want to spend the rest of my life, loving my future wife.

*** Pictures yet to be uploaded *** :P

My future wife

2007-06-08T00:14:00.000+08:00

No this not a poem or an inspirational piece dedicated to the "reason" of my life. At least not just yet.... this will serve as an apology and probably a weak explanation ...

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and I try to see if it's okay. Sometimes I get disappointed... not because of having you in life but because of the other stuff. It's so overwhelming and I have to apologize on this... I do feel depressed. After all I'm only human... and my instinct dictates me at times to dwell on that feeling for quite a while. But this does not mean that you are the reason that I'm sad or that I feel alone. This also does not mean that there is a problem or I personally have a problem with you... it's so untrue... It's just that I feel what I feel at certain times of the day and it retains in me. I have to let it out and writing is how I express it. It's my outlet. It's how I manage to get bye.

So please don't think that I am unhappy sometimes and that I still feel alone even if I have you. External factors affect me too.

Please do not get affected with some of my writings because it's only a part of what I entirely feel as a person.

Because mostly I'm happy ... happy that I have you in my life... happy that I am still alive to feel such wonderful affection and care from the person I truly love. Happy and lucky that you love me as much as I love you.

You're one of the main reasons that I still continue to live... that I still continue to flash a real smile... even though I find it so hard to do so. You keep me going on and for that I can't thank you enough.

I'm very happy that I am receiving so much love and I do intend to spend the rest of my life with you.

If I offended you in any way, I'm so sorry. If I've been insensitive again, please forgive me. If I hurt you so much... know that everytime I couldn't forgive myself for it. Even if it's unintentional... I'm sorry...

You're my life now... and nobody else's... I choose to be with you... for the rest of my life.

The story of the Previous Post

2007-06-07T15:45:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna be very direct to the point on this. My previous entry entitled Ghost is a creative piece I wrote three years ago. If I remember correctly that time, I just finished watching "GHOST" on HBO... you know... starring Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore? So there... it was never tied up to my Past whatsoever... I noticed some people tying my last entry to my PAST which I do believe if you think about it, pwedeng tumugma diba? I have to enforce once again that it was never about my past. I was just putting myself in the shoes of a Ghost and was wondering what I would say.

No offense... no hard feelings... but let's all please stop talking about it. Enough of that.

Previous post deleted.

=========================================

Solitude

I wake up … on a dark and cloudy morning. The room is silent, and even the spinning of the fan creates a muted sound. My brother went to school already, his distorted bed signifying his presence. The quietness is overwhelming. As I stare into the gray sky from the window, I get this familiar feeling… the setting of the sea. It’s an unrestricted, independent and yet unhappy version of tranquility.

I went out of my room and walked passed the hallway. It seems like darkness is swallowing the light at the end of the way. It seems like it’s covering the noise that I yearn to here as well. I wanted to hear voices… people conversing… the TV on HBO or at least the radio playing my kind of music. I reached the dining area and hoped that I could see a smiling face. None. TV is switched off. No lights, no radio… no nothing. The house is enveloped in silence. Only then did I realize that nobody is around. Everybody is out. I cooked my own food, prepared my things and started off to the office. I left the dead place in hope of finding what badly missed.

As I entered the office, everybody was minding its own business. It’s a busy day I presume. Nobody bothered to go out of his or her way to say hi. At least the silence is broken so I said to myself. But as I sat and did my work, I noticed that something is still missing. Even though I had a lot of company, a void is still present in my surroundings. It’s as if the bridge that connects me to other states has fallen down. There is no access to the other end. I can’t seem to find any other way to reach out. And so this emptiness once again fills me. In this area of chitchats and multitudes of conversions, I am still, in all senses,

… … … alone… … …

GHOST

2007-06-07T01:28:00.000+08:00

I love you. I just like to say that first. I don’t need to add any decorations to those words because love needs none of those. I love you in its truest form. You have been so dear to me as I am to you. You are a part of me now. Separation means I have to forgo my very own life. You complete me… I will never be able to live my life without you. I don’t need anybody else, only you.

I have done everything I can for you. I have been a shoulder for you to lean on, a body for you to embrace in a cold night, a happy face to brighten up your day, and a hand that would serve you however you may please. I was there whenever you needed me. I gave everything I could for you. I sacrificed a lot of what I have or what I could have had for you. But don’t get me wrong… I’m not sad; I’m not regretting any of it. In fact, I’m really happy I was able to support you with the best of my resources and abilities. Just the thought of you being happy is already heaven for me.

Right now, my heart is filled with both joy and sadness. I feel happy because memories of our lives together remain in my heart and soul. All of the world’s pain is gone and only the happy thoughts are there for me to treasure and cherish forever. At the same time, I will be sad for I will never be able to touch your face again. I will never be there to wipe your tears when times are hard. I will not be there to hug you when you feel down.

But know this. In times that you are lonely, sad and blue. Go out and gaze at the night. Stare at the stars because I will be there, and I will come to your need. If you feel a warm breeze followed by a trail of happy thoughts; that would be me, sharing with you all the happiness and joy of our times together. My treasures are still yours to keep.

And so, as I slowly fade into the night and go on my way to the stars, please keep in mind that I have never left you. I will be all around you. I will be inside you – in your heart. Please stay happy, and don’t forget that I love you. I will be with you… within you… forever.

Emotional Twister in Seconds

2007-06-04T07:39:00.000+08:00

You wake up and you catch a glimpse of your phone lighting up and starting to sound its alarm. You angrily pick it up and turn it off before it gives off a shrill sound of warning. Temper builds up as you suddenly realize that you have to go to work and yet everybody is still asleep. Pressure rises as you try to get off from bed and your apathetic face turns to a look of angry despair and your short silent breaths start to grunt.

But then, you are stopped by a familiar touch. A presence beside you stops the bottled up feelings of anger. The love of your life holds you close and you gives off a sigh ... and a sweet smile. Your heart raises but not of anxiousness but of rejoicing. Your spirit is calmed for you are beside the only important person in your existence. You give that person a slight hug and long passionate kiss and you forget your previous emotion as you cuddle a little… for a few minutes… for a few seconds even. God, you would wish time could stop and you’ld get caught up in this bliss.

Unfortunately, it does not. You have a mission to do. It requires your survival. Life requires you to toil in order to put food on the table. It requires you to sacrifice in order to have one more day… and another… and yet another. Why did Adam and Eve have to take a bite off of that demonic apple. Why do we need to suffer labor? It’s so unfair… it’s so rudely unjust! You stand up and try your best to get ready for this day. You forcibly try to wash yourself and dress up with a heart filled with a short despair and a cry of hope that this day does not end miserably.

The emotional twister continues… at a different place… in a different time…

Life goes on.

2007-06-01T05:36:00.000+08:00

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. I HAVE MIGRATED MY BLOG TO MY MULTIPLY ACCOUNT. KINDLY VISIT MY SITE AT: jacec112.multiply.com. LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AGAIN! TC!

2007-04-16T18:42:00.000+08:00

Bagong Kabaliwan

Mercenery training to become Blade....

Strength: 18

Stamina: 55

Dexterity: 61

Intelligence: 15

Normal attacks do the most damage and buffs turn the character into a speed devil of an attacker.

FLYFF.com.ph! Potah baliw ako... gusto ko magleave para maglaro buong araw bwahahaha pero shempre di pwede

Anyways, update about self:

Training Assistant ng Internet Reservations department sa Intercontinental Hotels Group.

Very much tired. But very much Inspired to live.

Now Negro due to the summer craze... galera all the way!

Hmmm... still normal I guess... haha

Hirit ako ulit... namiss ko toh ah...

2007-01-16T12:31:00.000+08:00

Emotional Six Flagz

From now on, do not call me by my old nick name. I am not the junior of the family anymore. I am on my own and I don't have a father. Well at least he's still alive but I have lost all respect for him. I lost my love for him before and now he comes and takes away the very home I grew in... the only home I ever loved. No respect for him whatsoever. So for now, just call me Jace... if you wanna be my enemy... call my by my old nick name.

The office is gonna be celebrating tonight on my anniversarry. I've spent a year already in the office. So much has happened. Good times (gimik with officemates, dance group, bonding to the max) and bad times (being almost socially destroyed by phsycopathic "angels" -- note to self... do not court people in the office) ... all of this will be cherished. Much has happened and I've gone so far already... but turning back is still gonna be an option. Survival is still what's important. If don't have what I want ... I'll walk away. Simple as that.

I've been very ecstatic lately. Life is finally turning around. I have a new house (in the same village YAY!!!) a new condo (let's go swimming sometime YAY!!!) and lots and lots more friends. Just wanna thank a special someone for always being with me. Life has been good with you in it. ;) *hugz*

I currently have hesitations. Because some people wanna hear with closed ears and I don't know why... some people don't even want to listen at all. I feel like I'm being squashed in between something so much bigger than me and I'm still feeding the flames. Not my fault though... I wish someday everything will be alright.

To a buddy of mine... TAENA MO LIGAWAN MO NA YAN.

And the rollercoaster stops... wanna have another ride? Tomorrow perhaps...

ps: Namiss ko toh ah...

2006-09-18T02:07:00.000+08:00

Settling Down

I have lived a crazy life. A life full of adventure, drama, challenges and success. I never regret to have lived this way but that is not enough reason for me to continue living it as well. Sacrifices need to be made and there are just some things that you will need to give up and move on.

Goodbye filinvest. Thank you very much for letting me grown up in your neighborhood. I had the time of my life here and I will never forget it. Yep that's right... we've sold our house and we're moving out. Eventhough I really didn't like to go, I had to in order for the family to survive. I just hope this is the right decision because if not, this will be the only thing I would regret in my life. 23 years of memories will be left in this place. The only good thing for me is that I would be able to get back to this place again.

Argh... too much emotion. till next time...

2006-09-11T01:29:00.000+08:00

Friends

Kumpleto nanaman kami. Ngayon ko lang naisip ulit. Sobrang saya ng buhay kapag kasama mo mga kaibigan mo na matagal mo nang kapiling. Solid na samahan at katuwaang walang humpay. Kay sarap mabuhay...

Si Cocoy na saksakan ng yabang pero may sensitive side lalo na sa lovelife. Si Arvs na superkwela at grabe sumabaw ng ibang tao. Naituring ko nang kapatid at di ko ipagpapalit sa kahit kanino. Shempre si Best na kauuwi lang dito ngunit parang di lumayo. Ngayong magkakasama nanaman kami parang naging kumpleto na rin ulit ang buhay ko. Kay sarap ng buhay.

Samahan mo pa ng iba pang latest additions sa aming munting barkada... mapa-girlfriend man o asawa, wala na talaga akong hahanapin pang iba. Some things are just worth more than all the money in the world.

2006-08-31T09:20:00.000+08:00

Letting go and Reaching Out

I'm tired of holding the pain and the sorrow. It's time to let go. It's time to shine once again. Life is too short to hold on to something that doesn't wanna be held. Life is too fragile to hope. Too short to choose not to give your love again. So I'm letting go of everything and going back to the world I once lived. It's time to reach out.

It's time to have fun and be with people whom you know that cares. It's time to get the good times rolling and just forget the anguish... the sadness. Life is too bleak to live it with tears. If at anytime you will be dying... end it with a bang! Be the best person you can ever be.

Carpe Diem... be the Miracle...

2006-08-17T00:28:00.000+08:00

When I see the lovely eyes...

Batting... droopy... glimmering. It sends chills into my spine whenever I get to gaze at them. Fantasy and reality intertwine and I am brought to a state of ecstacy... Whenever I get to look into those eyes.

On Life

Hope + Doubt = Passion. Up to now I could not understand just what the hell this means. But I'm slowly learning... Slowly applying the things that I have learned into life. Work. Lovelife. I've learned that it isn't ideal to be happy-go-lucky in some aspects of your life. Everything needs to be planned. It needs a strategy and a determined goal. Fun is fun though! Nobody will ever take that away from me! Yeah!

2006-08-14T04:31:00.000+08:00

Mind Over Heart

I always thought that knowing everything and making a decision is always needed in life. I always thought that you should think about everything before doing something. But there actually is a danger in over-analyzing and you tend to forget to follow the thing that's beating in your chest.

Life is too short for too much planning... too much thinking... too much worrying. Life is too short to be busy. It has to be enjoyed. Stop and smell the roses... enjoy life as it is. No matter how hard or easy-going it is.

I've learned to take things slow. I've learned to listen and be sensitive, not only to others but to myself as well. I've finally learned to take care of myself. I still don't believe though that people care about those who only care about themselves. But people do not care about doormats... they just pity them. People don't care about the conceited as well. There's always this middleground that you always have to control. I still won't change that much... I will still care more for others compared to myself. But I will give me a little credit from now on. I'll stop and smell the roses. I will have fun. I will enjoy this ride called "life". From now on... I will learn to smile...

2006-08-07T15:33:00.000+08:00

Do's and Don't "s"

Never attempt to use the fax machine before even knowing how to.

Always check to see if the escalator is moving up before going up.

Mango + white chocolate + cream + vodka = BATHROOM

Ask the guards in Makati area to see if it is a smoking zone or you'll get fined 1500 pesos.

Do not look like a mermaid/shokoy when taking a group pix.

Gamble with your extra money and not your doe for the rest of the week.

Fruit salad and a lot of cream as well as condensada is NOT a diet food.

Look like a zombie when riding the MRT and people will stay away. (MORE SPACE!)

Sleep with your shorts on, especially when the door is unlocked.

Humiliating, embarrassing and downright stupid things I have done last week. I hope this week turns out better. Haha!

2006-07-31T13:39:00.000+08:00

Life is good as it is...

Guile

I'm sorry... it's the only thing I can say. But this is how it's gotta be. I learned that the world could not do without it. It builds trust. It enhances friendships and keeps others from being hurt. On the downside, the pain is unstoppable. But this is who I am. It's already part of me. It hurts no one except me. And I'm used to it. This is who I am and what the world has shaped me to be.

2006-07-25T09:32:00.000+08:00

Exclusive Invitation

Sa mga minamahal kong bloggy friends. Kitakits naman tayo! Friday dinner ortigas! Yung pwede text text to confirm! Di kelangan sakin kahit yung bloggy friend ng bloggy friend ko itext niyo lang! Let's have fun! Tama na muna trabaho/aral and all that shit! Wahahaha!

2006-07-19T00:41:00.000+08:00

Just one of those days you feel shitty about youself

I'd be really surprised if I wake up one morning and I didn't have any problems to worry about. This is the current story of my life. Life is so unfair... but then again, when did it actually become fair in the first place. All I did was blame the past and worry about the future. But come to think of it, does it really matter?

As of this very moment, no. It does not matter. The past was fun and the future is expected to be good. But what really matters is the present. Just enjoy the ride and see if it brings something good as it almost always does.

"It matters not how straight the gate, how charged with punishment the scroll... I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul..."

2006-07-15T03:32:00.000+08:00

Welcome Back Pow

"Oi! Kamusta? Long time ah... buti naman nagpakita ka ulit... "

Oo nga eh... heto oks lang naman ako. Maraming nangyari sa buhay ko ngayon. May nakakatuwa... may nakakaburat... pero ganyan talaga ang buhay siguro.

"Hay... kaya mo yan tol... at least di mo ako kinalimutan. Kamusta ang trabaho?"

Oks lang din. Promoted nanaman... mahirap na ang trabaho. Walang increase sa sweldo anak tinapay. Pero masaya ako at least alam ko may worth parin ako.

"Taena ang drama mo pre! Wag ka nga ganyan! Tanong ko sayo... ok na ba ang buhay natin?"

Masaya ako ngayon... sobrang saya... at the extreme... sobrang lunkot dahil sa mga problema... parang gigising ka nalang nga sa bagong umaga, problemado ka nanaman. Pero andaming nangyari sa buhay ko ngayon. Masaya parin kahit papano.

"Good... good. O ano... shall we be seeing you again more often...?"

I will... cge... kasi napaisip ko dati kung di na ako magpapakita pa ulit. Per nasasistema ko na ito eh... Kelangan ko outlet.

"Wala naman kalimutan pre!"

Hehehe... sorry... pramis... walang iwanan toh... Ingatz blindedmindz.blogspot.com... kelangan ko na muna umalis... uupdate ako ulit. Namiss kita... namiss ko kayo... :)

2006-06-19T11:19:00.000+08:00

Falling in Love, Choosing to Love

I guess it goes hand in hand. Falling in love is that blissful feeling that you have when you are with someone special. Nothing else can bother you. Nothing else can turn you down. It is that profound happiness that you feel for this one single person... nobody else. Then again, for me, it's just a feeling. Doubts will come, confusion takes place and you tend to think twice about it. Is it temporary? Could it just be infatuation? So you tend to hesitate and give it a little more time. But as days and weeks go by, you tend to fall more and more for this person. Time is relative. You can feel more for a person within 24 hours compared to somebody else. This feeling goes stronger and stronger until you actually know that you're in love. You hope for the best that this person feels the same way as you do. This is when you make a decision.

You choose to love. You choose to do whatever it takes to please this person. Do whatever it takes to make her/him happy. You feel this person's importance and it goes beyond yourself. You decide to love this person in its deepest sense. No longer expecting anything. Only waiting for the time that she/he loves you back.

It's the greatest feeling or all. It's the most noble service one could ever do.

I fell in love... I chose to love... I've never been happier...

2006-06-06T14:30:00.000+08:00

Hari ng Sawi

Ito ang kwento ng buhay ko ngayon. Bakit lahat ng gusto kong mahalin mahirap mahalin? Ito ba ang tadhana na inilaan para sa akin? Ang magdusa sa pagmamahal? Sana lang talaga ang bawat sakripisyo ko ay bawian ng katapatan. Kahit konting saya lang, lalasapin ko. Magmamahal ako hanggang sa ayaw na... hanggang sa wala na.

Sa huli... ang Hari ng Sawi ang siyang masasawi...

2006-05-27T16:31:00.000+08:00

That Same Old Feeling

It's back again. The emptiness... the depression and sadness. It seems I can't escape the feeling. But as time passes by, a part of the pain vanishes. Wounds heal. You seem to get used to the burden until you consider it normal. You consider it as part of your life. Inevitable... despair.

It's back... the emptiness... I have no words today.

2006-05-22T15:13:00.000+08:00

DEDMA

Heto ang nagpapaburat sa buhay ko ngayon. Parang andami ko yatang kaibigan na di ako pinapansin ngayon? Anong ginawa ko? Pwede bang malaman kung ano ginagawa kong masama at para tayong nagpaplastican? Umaamin naman ako kapag kasalanan ko eh. Potah kahit di ko nga kasalanan inaankin ko parin naman ah. Ayoko nang kaaway at ayokong may hinanakit ang mga tao sa paligid ko. Lalo na kapag nakadirekta sa akin. I tried to reach out... tinanong ko kung ano problema niyo. Yung iba hindi sumagot... yung iba di sinabi at kunwari ok nalang sila... anong gusto niyong gawin ko? Ok lang bang malaman? Ok lang ba kung irequest ko na sabihin ninyo? Kaysa naman na tratuhin natin na ok lang kahit obvious naman na hindi. Bakit yung ibang tao ok lang kapag kausap niyo? Bakit ako hindi? Bakit nanahimik kayo?

Di ako pekeng tao. Kung may problema, haharapin ko kayo. Kapag nasaktan ko kayo, pwede akong lumuhod at humingi ng tawad. Kaya kong gawin lahat para bawiin ang maling nagawa ko. Tao lang ako at wala akong karapatang maglabas ng pride kapag ganun. Pero kung ayaw niyong sabihin ang problema niyo, di ko ipagpipilitan ang sarili ko sa inyo. Kung ang balak niyo ay kalimutan nalang ang nangyari ok lang sa akin yun dahil wala akong problema sa inyo whatsoever. Lapitan niyo nalang ako kung gusto niyo na. I'm done asking and expecting no solid answer. So ito na ang huling statement ko para sa inyo.

To the people I hurt ... kung kasalanan ko, I'm terribly sorry and I hope you all can find it in your hearts to forgive me. But I won't accept it just like that... you have to tell me what I did wrong so that I can change for the better. Sa mga taong naapektuhan sa dinadala kong problema ngayon, konti lang kayo at kilala niyo na kung sino kayo. Aminado ako, kasalanan ko yan. Hindi ako namimintang or gumagawa ng gulo. Naghahapit lang ako at nababaliw sa paghahanap sa kasagutan ng problema ko. At sa mga taong di ko alam ang dahilan kung bakit nagkakadedmahan tayo, bahala kayo sa buhay niyo! Basta ako wala akong problema and I feel for you guys. Di ko kayo kukulitin. Pansinin niyo nalang ako kapag ok na kayo at magiging ok na rin ang lahat sa akin. Sa ngayon, kung gusto niyo demahan, dedmahan tayo. Dati kong ugali yan... kung pinipilit ako ng mundong ibalik sa akin ang toh, gagawin ko.

Ano? Ok na masaya na tayong lahat? good... have a nice life... pohtaena...

2006-05-14T16:23:00.000+08:00

Lecheng Hand Analysis

Simula ngayon... mag-iingat na ako. Di na ako magbabasa ng buhay ng tao. Mamimili na ako nang kamay na babasahin.

Ok lang sana kung ako lang ang nasasaktan pero maraming iba na naaapektuhan din.

Nakasira nanaman ako nang buhay.

Pati sarili ko nasaktan ko. Dapat di ko nabasa ang kamay niya. Badtrip amp.

Titiklo na muna siguro ako sa paggawa nito.

2006-05-08T12:34:00.000+08:00

The Test: On Top of a 50-Foot Pole

Feet together, legs are slightly bent... almost squatting in order to get full control of your current condition. Your current standing is already painful but that doesn't end there. The fear envelopes you as you realize that you climbed this far and you're stuck.

The wind blowing against you and contradicting your direction... trying to force you to fall.

You begin to doubt yourself.

You risked a part of yourself to get into this position and now you can't move on.

You slowly weaken... you tend to think negatively now.

You begin to fear for your own well being.

The only problem is. There is no way for you to go down without hurting yourself.

And so you hold on for your dear life.

Hoping that you could be saved.

Hoping that you will be recognized from that far away.

You remain in your position.

Holding on until you couldn't.

Fighting the angry gusts of wind and the tempation to give up.

Yearning for the greatest reward that seems unreachable.

But you continue to fight.

You continue to remain.

Doom can be expected but it doesn't matter anymore.

Nothing else matters.

Only the courage to stay. The courage to accept your fate.

And the hunger to reach the seemingly unattainable goal.

2006-05-07T06:37:00.000+08:00

What Would You Do...

If everytime you wanted someone, they would never be there?

Wait and be patient. Never close your doors. The people around you could have problems of their own. Look for them... reach out. They might just be like you... waiting... expecting some company. Wanting to be with somebody.

If for every moment of true happiness, there would be 10 moments of sadness?

Do not be in despair. Face your problems and always look forward to the sunshine. It's always going to be different. You can only experience true happiness after the sorrow.

If the person you hold dear to your heart, does not love you like you do?

Give your love. Do not hold back. Cherish the fact that you can still be with him/her. Continue to love the other person. Love with all your heart. If it is not reciprocated, at least you have given your everything. You will have no regrets. "The measure of love is not by what you currently have but by the sacrifices that you had to endure in order to give it."

If you have lost your trust in other people?

Be optimistic but be analytical. There is no black and white. It's all a gray area when it comes to life. Keep an open mind because no two people are absolutely alike. Do not cut them out of your life. There could be a reason for everything if you could just listen. Everybody could have a reason for breaking a promise. The actions to take would only depend upon the validity of the reason. If you cut them off right away, you will loose a great deal of friends... even the good ones.

If you feel the world has lost its love?

Give it. Take the initiative... reach out to the people whom you think need it. There is a certain amount of love that you can give to everybody. If we all can develop this trait, the world would be a better place.

2006-05-01T06:24:00.000+08:00

Two Part Theme

The woman of my dreams:

When I first saw her I was mystified. Her china eyes captured my heart and turned my cold stares into soft yearning and admiration. She wasn't really smiling at first because she was busy fiddling with her phone and looking sternly at the other people coming in to the room. I was seated a few rows behind her and I really wanted to come close and have a closer look at the beauty that captured me. Of course embarassment and intimidation controlled me and so there I sat, not minding anything else but her -- time stopped for a moment. The mentor came in and we were all introduced.

Ahh... what a beautiful name. It was fitting for her image. Soft, tender, innocent, sweet. Almost immaculate... And then, she danced. My heart melt like butter. I've always admired women who can move their body at their command. I never stopped liking her. It was something to always look forward to. Things went ok and we all had to separate ways. I didn't get to talk to her much. But I remembered her... I promised not to forget. We were friends and we talked from time to time. I discovered this, bright, wacky and happy side of hers. It was fun, being her acquaintance. Everything went by fast after then.

Years passed and life went along in its normal, uneventful way. One fateful chance led me to her again. Her eyes met mine and eveything came back to me in a flash. I remembered her look, her face... her graceful movements... her smile. Once again, I am swept off. I thought I was being radical and senseless at first. I thought I actually was being crazy. But each day made me yearn to search for her. To see her... hear her voice... to simply be with her.

I started to reach out to her almost everyday. I don't know why this was happening but I seem to be happy being able to communicate with her in whatever means I possibly could. She started to become someone important in my life. She started to become special. My interest grew everyday. Eventually, simple chats turned to meaningful conversations, my simple actions turned to loving gestures. Circumstance led me to say it to her. Everything has changed ever since.

My heart is lighter every time I see her. My days are brighter whenever I'm with her. I found that my feelings for her go stronger and stronger everyday. I have to show her how much I am in love. However, each time I have to face my fate I wake up to the reality that I can't be with her. A bludgeoning of chance? Ill Fate? Whatever you want to call it. My greatest wish is to extend the dream and turn it to reality. Sad but true.

Perhaps one day, I would really be happy. Maybe one day she will come true. All I can do is cherish the brief moments of ecstacy. I will continue dreaming. I will not allow myself to let go. I won't expect anything else... I will not stop loving the woman of my dreams.

My Stupid Self

You can't blame me for making the wrong decision. Just like you I've experienced a lot in my life. I've had my share of hurtful events and it led me to rethink and hesitate. My actions become limited and my judgement is dulled. My stupid self takes over me and I tend to fumble on all the right things as my vision is clouded with fear -- Fear of me being the reason of more sadness on your part. I thought by staying away, I'd be able to save what's more important to you. It backfired and I made you cry. I never wanted this to happen. I never really wanted to stay away. I just thought that what happened before could happen again. History repeats itself. And again I'll be all alone. With lesser friends than I have before.

I can't blame you for being angry. I can't blame you for being hurt. Nobody should point their fingers to anybody except me. Now that I have destroyed the thing I valued the most, it hurts just as well to me as it does you. It feels unfair but I guess that's the way it's gotta be. I will take full responsibility of my actions. And I will not give up trying to regain what I have lost. I hope I am given the chance to redeem.

Please forgive this stupid side of me...

2006-04-24T04:24:00.000+08:00

Graaaagh!!!! Anu bah!

Hindi ko kamukha ang anak ni Bong Revilla!!! Hindi ko rin kamukha si Ariel Rivera! Leche! Masgwapo naman po ako! Anak tinapay naman... Lumipat na nga ako ng bagong work at ibang sets of people ang kakilala ko pero ganun parin ang hirit sa akin. Baka naman kamukha ko lang sila dahil sa ilong ko... or kanang tenga... wala akong paki! Ayoko nang may kamukha ako! Dapat Unique...

Pero fine... gwapo si Ariel Rivera... at pogi din naman si Jolo... ... ... Pero maski na! HMPH! I wanna be Jace!

Nagpapakapal nalang po nang mukha dahil di tumatalab ang pagpapakumbaba. Kapag sinabi kong masgwapo sila kaysa sa akin ay maslalo lang ako pinagtitripan. Siguro kapag nagpakapal ako nang mukha tumigil ang mga tao. Pwede ring baka mag-agree nga sila na mas may itsura nga naman ako *wink wink*

2006-04-23T06:14:00.000+08:00

Ikaw Po Yun

Ikaw yun... ikaw ang laman ng puso't isipan ko. At di ko alam ang sagot kung bakit. Siguro dahil napamahal ako sa ugali mo. Sa kakayahan mong tanggapin ang lahat. Sa lambing na binibigay mo at hinahanap-hanap ko. Minsan lang ako makakakita ng babaeng magpapatibok ng puso ko at ikaw ang natipuhan nito. Wag naman po sanang magagalit. Wala naman kasing dapat sisihin. Susundin ko ang kung ano mang desisyon ng puso ko pero wala akong gagawin kung wala akong nakikitang senyales na pareho tayo nang nararamdaman. Di ko na kaya ang unrequited love.

Hindi naman magbabago ang pagtingin ko sayo... ang pagtrato ko sayo. Pinapangako ko na di ako lalayo. Wala rin akong hihingiin pabalik. Pagkakaibigan lang ok na sa akin. At least makikita parin kitang ngumiti. Matuwa. Tumawa... Maging masaya. Masaya lang din ako na nabigyan mo nang bagong katuwaan ang puso ko. Nabigyan mo ako ng rason na magpatuloy sa buhay ko. Basta andito lang ako... umaasa. Tutulong at makikisama hanggat kaya. Maghihintay kahit kailan pa.

Drama ba? cheee... o siya... hanggang sa muling pagkikita... tex text nalang muna. (",)

2006-04-17T03:43:00.000+08:00

The making of: Isang Kaha Ka Lang

starring: Bad Boy Jace

Scenario: Bahay kubo scene. Night time. Hinahabol ng mga kalaban si Jace at ang kanyang lady friend. Nagstop-over lamang sila sa bahay upang kumuha ng mga gamit pantakas. Nagtapat si Jace ng pag-ibig pero hamak na cigarette vendor lang siya.

Costume: Jace is a cigarette vendor wearing a leather jacket and jeans with scorpion design. Hair is long ang slipped back. Wet look. He has a takatak box that contains weapons like balisong, sumpit, sputnik and a 45. Leading lady wearing all white since she came from nursing duty.

(Kuha yosi... sindi... sandal sa pader at tingin sa malayo...)

Sana nakilala na kita dati pa. Siguro tuluyang masaya na ang buhay ngayon. Sana dati nabigyan na ako nang pagkakataon na mahalin ka. Baka nagbago pa ang takbo ng tadhana ko. Alam kong hindi pa huli ang lahat pero mahirap na. Pero kahit pa ...(hithit yosi) di ko parin bibitawan ang kung ano ang meron tayo ngayon (buga ng usok). Kung may pagkakataon pang umusbong ang pag-ibig sa pagsasama natin, di ko ito palalampasin. Masmabuti nang mabigay ko lahat ng kaya ko. Masmabuti nang maipakita ko sayo ang nararamdaman ko. Masmabuti nang malaman mo na ikaw ang laman ng puso't isipan ko. (hingang malamin) At kung tumanggi ka, wala akong magagawa... Ikalulunkot ko pero tatanggapin ko parin. Nais ko lang na malaman mong minamahal na kita. Yun lang... di na ako maghahangad pa.

(Hithit yosi...buga... lakad mula sa pader papuntang hardin...)

Sa ngayon, alam kong malabo. Langit ka... Lupa ako... Hindi tayo magkakasundo. (hithit yosi... tingin sa mga butuin) Sa ngayon, sinisigurado ko sayo na ibubuwis ko ang buhay ko... ibibigay ko ang lahat para lang sayo. (buga usok)(tingin sa leading lady) (pabulong) Mahal kita... ...

Director: "Cut! Perpek! Next Scene natin... car chase tayo ngayon! Ilabas ang mga owner at volks! Ang mga baril! Lagyan niyo ng MAXX at Marlboro lights ang takatak dahil sponsor natin sila sa scene na ito. Let's go!"

2006-04-10T06:41:00.000+08:00

RANTINGS AT WORK

Wow... tatlong buwan palang ako sa trabahong ito and I'm two levels up bigla. Website suppoort Guru and then Internet Marketing Senior Case Manager a little after a week. Yay... ang saya naman.... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... stupid promotion. Masaya na ako siguro kung Guru nalang ako but why do I have to get the position that I don't like? Why do I have to be appointed to the job I hate the most? grrr..... stupid promotion talaga. Kapag ako tinamad sorry nalang talaga sila. Pasalamat sila I have all the time in the world to work and get sick and work, work, WORK!!! Yes I'm sick... nanaman... as usual... overworked, overstressed, work is too demanding, underpaid. Nobody to take care of me... *sniff* Haha arte! Cheee...

Further to a conversation I had with a couple of friends at work. Balita ko marami akong friends na balak pumuntang Dubai, US, HongKong to get a job. And I'm slowly envying them na. Parang gusto ko na rin maglaho. Parang wala na akong napapala masyado sa buhay ko dito sa pinas. But the battle is still far from over. Come to think about it. You go to another country to work and fulfill your dreams. Which kind of dream? To work as a assistant shit/dishwasher/waiter/call center rep/whatever and for what? To be able to come back after about 5-10 years with enough money to get by happilly? Is it all worth the sacrifice that you have to go through? Di ko na alam ang sagot. But it is sounding appealing already... my friend in canada is just an admin assistant but he earns 4 times what I earn. Tapos ako I work 6 days a week, 14 hours a day with added special tasks and more responsibilities and for what? To have enough money to get by until my next salary. Shit... this sucks... buti nalang hindi ako masyado concentrated sa money. Life is still more important. Friends are still important. Family is still important. I guess I'll give it two more years... titingnan ko lang. Kapag wala talaga, I'm flying to Boston to try a new life... or Maybe New Jersey or Washington... hi Janice! I miss you! hehehe... or maybe Australia? Hi Sweetie Jen! I really, really Miss you! or maybe San Francisco where I can hang out with my cuzins... binatang buhay! bwahahaha... how bout Canada? canadian people are very accomodating. LA? Ano best, balik tayong San Jose? hehehe ... bahala na.

Isang big break lang kailangan ko... isa lang....

2006-04-04T05:11:00.000+08:00

WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

I'm so damn tired!!!!!!! Grabe ang trabaho kapag may manpower problems! Pero pramis ang sarap nang trabaho namin kung marami lang kami... sumama na kayo dito! Sinong pwede! Sige fine may referral bonus wala akong paki sa inyo na rin yun basta dumami lang tayo! wooohhoooo!!!! I've been on overtime for 1 straight month... 11 hours of work plus 2-3 hours of overtime per day. Plus I still work on restdays... dahil lang kulang kami. PONYETAH! I need a big break... huhu miss ko na friends ko... miss ko na kayong lahat. :(

2006-03-23T05:30:00.000+08:00

Dark Side II

Lately i've been trying to fight the feeling of just letting go of all control and throwing myself to another person just for the heck of it. I've been trying to pretend that everything is ok and that i'm happy with what i'm doing... I'm happy with who I am. But when I get home, I am reminded that life is not good for me now and that I need to jump out of this sinkhole. But every situation just forces me to give up and no matter how hard I try to fight back, they retaliate with even greater pressure. How I wish that I could let things go and let them be. How I hope that I could be able to live a normal, happy life without the feeling of great distress.

Contentment. That probably is the most destructive feeling when it comes to life. The world has become so dynamic and fast-paced that you can't leave yourself hanging for a day. Otherwise, you'll end up trying to chase something so far away that will eventually slip away and be lost forever. But it won't even glaze you... because you're still contented. Or at least you think you are. Sooner or later you'll come to realize the fact that what you thought you had was not yours at all. You thought you had everything you needed but in reality you're empty-handed. And you can't change yourself in just a blink of an eye. Even if you wanted to, you can't easily fix mistake. Specially when you've come to believe that you weren't doing anything wrong. So why do you have to change right?

Would it be better to survive by changing or live up to your beliefs and die for something that you think is right. Nobility is dead... as of now... life is survival of the fittest. The people that have power will still reign supreme. You would need some sort of edge or influence to be able to live life today. You have to have something special for you to be able to survive. Only then can you reach out and help other people. Kenshee Himura had power. He had masteral skills with the sword and he uses it to help the weak. He still had power and that is why he is surviving. I used to believe that as long as your intentions are noble, as long as you're doing the right thing... as long as you're not stepping on somebody else, you'll be ok. No... i've realized it does not work that way. You just have got to have power and strength to fight back. Sometimes doing the wrong thing is still right.

The world is never black and white... it's always gray. It's never good and evil... that is why we are human and we are given a choice to pick sides. There will be times when you really have to do what you think is right even though everybody thinks otherwise. There will be times when you do the wrong thing because every boy thinks otherwise. The ultimate choice should be with you.

"To be... or not to be... that is the question." Live your life... be strong and continue to be stronger. If somebody fights against you... crush them. If you're strong enough... that's the only time you can protect others. Martyrs are expendable.

This is my reality of life.

2006-03-09T09:01:00.000+08:00

Stoooooooooopid Life

Bakit nung time na sobrang lonely ako, at naghahanap nang makakasama, walang pwede. Lahat busy... lahat may kailangang gawin. Lahat malayo at lahat may mga mas-importang gagawin? Special thanks to my best Pat and to Stephie Wetty for accomodating me. Salamat din sa aking barks na walang humpay na nagconsole at nakisama sa mga kalokohan ko. Kahit super-lonely at empty ang aking puso na redirect sa katuwaan. Sa wakas kahit papano nakayanan ko rin na maging mag-isa muli. I have a different view in life na.

Second question. Bakit kung kailan set na ulit ako sa buhay ko at di ko na kailangan muna maghanap ng ilalaman ng puso ko, saka nagdadatingan ang lahat? Parang trabaho amfufu! Kung kelan ka may trabaho saka ka i-seset-up for interview sa trabahong matagal mo nang gustong apply-an. Anak tinapay... ako nalilito na ako ha. Ano ba talaga plano ng buhay sa akin ha? Magpapatangay nalang ba ako sa ihip ng hangin? Unti-unti na akong naiirita ah.

Segway to my previous entry. Friends parin pala kami... pero I gotta be careful...

I know, I know... may ibang klase akong pakikitungo sa mga tao at parati ako na-mimisunderstood... oo na gets ko na... mag-iingat na po ako. Hehe... salamat sa mga advise.

KAMPAY!!!!!

2006-03-06T00:52:00.000+08:00

Recent Events

Written below is a conversation I had with lady friend of mine...

Her: Hi Jace musta?

Me: Hello! Ok lang naman po. Ikaw kamusta?

Her: Heto... badtrip parin kagabi pa. Dumaan kasi dito ang ex ko kagabi. Ayaw niya ako tigilan gusto parin makipagbalikan sakin. Kapag nakikita ko siya naaalala ko lahat ng kagaguhang ginawa niya sa akin. Sobrang nakakainis pa dahil parang pinamumukha niya sa akin na hindi ko siya kayang ipagpalit. Alam kasi niya na binuhos ko lahat, lahat sa kanya. Wala rin naman ako makitang maipapalit ko sa kanya. Nahihirapan na talaga ako Jace, how can I move on...

Me: Awh... *hugz* Mahirap nga yang ganyan. Kailangan kasi di mo na siya makita para maka-move on ka. Sobrang nakakarelate ako sa problema mo. I feel for you sis... :(

Her: Oo nga eh... hmmm... hey I have an idea... Since pareho naman tayo nang problema... why don't we try to help each other out?

Me: Help? What kind of help? Kung kelangan mo nang kausap, kayosi at kainuman walang problema jan! hehehe >:)

Her: What I mean is... bakit di nalang maging tayo muna? That way we could help each other out diba? Hoi wagka mabait ako at super caring at accomodating pa!

Me: Oh! Thanks... I can see that you're real nice, sweet, thoughtful, kind and caring and all those good things (not to mention real cute). But I've tried that before. I was devasteted.Biliv me... it's not right.

Her: Bakit ganun? You're the 4th guy I asked who turned me down. Baka siguro I'm not that sexy like the other girls kaya ganun. It's ok I'll understand... hey I have to go now... thanks alot!

Me: Huh? Hindi naman sa ganun ... it's just that I already did that for a friend. I don't like to do it again. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way. I'm sorry...

Her: Baka naman kasi di mo ko type noh?

Me: That's irrelavant! (Kung alam mo lang...)

Her: Sige na... magiging malinaw naman ang usapan natin eh. I promise I won't blame you for what happens.

Me: It's not about the blaming part. I already did that for a friend ... malinaw din ang usapan namin. Yet we ended up messing each others lives for such a short period of time. Di ko na siya friend ngayon. Kahit supermodel of the whole wide universe pa ang nagrequest sa akin nang ganyan, hindi ko na gagawin ulit. I can help you in other ways. :)

Her: ... .... ....

Alam kong tama ang ginawa ko pero bakit parang ang sama ng loob ko. I don't wanna be a meantime boy anymore. It will only break hearts ... usually it includes my own. But still... parang ang sama-sama ko. I think I'm gonna lose one more friend... so sad. :(

2006-03-02T08:01:00.000+08:00

OPENING

Open na po ang shop nang barkada. Please visit!!! It's called the Little Banawe Cafe. Shempre nasa Banawe. Hehehehe... Hope to see you there? Tumutulong lang po me sa pagmarket. wahahahaha!

2006-02-26T06:12:00.000+08:00

Realization in the Office

Aside from a guy friend of mine, we are the only guys in the whole office population who are single and available. The other guys are either Married, Taken, or Gay. Hahaha... Why are guys nearing extinction in this part of the building! To think that there are a lot of incomparably hot girls in my office... hmmm... *punas laway* That's life I guess!

A scene from LOST

Hot Japanese Woman: "When I was a little girl, I thought that when I find the one that I love, I would be happy forever... ... ... " *gets teary eyed*

Super Hot Kate: "Yeah... me too..." *looks away*

2006-02-20T07:34:00.000+08:00

Ang Buhay ay parang... Life...

Kung kelan ka masaya... saka darating ang problema... natural... masaya ka na... balanse lang.

Kung kelan ka problemado, saka darating ang ligaya... pero mapapansin mo ba? Hindi... kasi busy ka at problemado ka pa...

Kaya para sigurado, kahit problemado ka, dapat masaya ka parin. Hahangaan ko talaga ang taong kayang gawin ito. Kasi dalawa lang yun eh. It's either magaling kang mameke, or wala ka na talagang pakialam.

Ganyan lang siguro ang buhay... parang tae ka dapat. Ipaalam mo na nag-eexist ka kahit wala kang kwenta... pero siguraduhin mo na kapag tinapakan ka ng tao, magiging malaking problema para sa kanila. Hmmm... maliban nalang kung yung taong yun ay kumakain talaga ng tae. "I eat shit like you for breakfast!" O diba? Hmmm... meron bang tae na kumakain nang tao? Dapat ganun ka... "I eat people like you for breakfast!" Astig ka siguro kapag ganun ka.

O siya... tama na ang usapang lasing... balik trabaho tayo...

2006-02-16T09:31:00.000+08:00

Worst Fear

My worst fear is slowly creeping up to scare the shit out of me. I'm starting to become the kind of person I hate the most. It's a different kind of fear. It's actually a mixture of positive and negative sides, still creepy though. On the positive note, I fear that I might breakdown and eventually lose myself. I fear that I might get sick because of it. It's ok coz at least I know I won't be able to hurt anyone in the process. I will be destroying nobody's life... only my own. On the negative side, I fear that I might actually turn to become "another person", and I'll like it. I'm slowly giving in to life's hatred, and pain, and suffering and I'm afraid that another personality will come out of me. Somebody who can handle the mess that I call my life... carry it on his shoulders and influence every single cell in my body. And I'd be happy. To make things short, I'm starting to become the person I was before... strong, independent... deceptive... heartless.

Heart and Soul please don't fail me now... give me a reason to be happy... give me the strength to still go on being the best I can be.

2006-02-07T08:22:00.000+08:00

The Worst Part of My Life

Nothing can ever beat the feeling of falling down when you're at the top of your game. I believe it is the worst feeling of all. Imagine having almost everything... imagine that you are already at the finish line and suddenly you trip and fall and everything you've worked for is now gone. It sucks... Life is just trippin on me right now coz i'm having problems in all aspects of my life and nobody can help me... I'm on my own trying to catch everything that's falling. At least I have friends to keep me company... they don't need to know what I'm going through and for the people who know it, thanks for listening and being with me. Without you guys I'd probably in hell... literally...

2006-02-05T02:25:00.000+08:00

To da wan we lab

Pumunta ka dito... samahan mo kami. Nang makapiling mo rin kami. Gusto ka namin makita... di lang sa mga larawan at litratong nakabalandra sa website mo. Gusto namin makita ang totoo mong ngiti... gusto naming matanto ang pinanggagalingan nang maganda mong tinig. Gusto naming makasama ang taong may ari ng mga storya, at ideyang nakapagbigay sa amin nang inspirasyon at kasiyahan. Gusto naming makita ang taong aming minahal...

Shempre sesegwei lang ako... di kailangan ngayon. Di kailangan bukas. Sumama ka sa amin kapag gusto mo na. Kapag handa ka na. Kahit bakasyon lang ok lang yun... kahit sandali lang... walang problema dun. Maghihintay kami para sayo.... pangako.

To da wan hu olmos stowl mai hart

"Last week I saw you at the hall, standing with your cell phone about to make a call. I had a vision it was me on the other end. Telling you to come by and then you walked in. I touched you gently with my hands, we talked about travelling the distant lands. Escaping all the madness out here in the world, becoming my wife, no longer my girl. Then you let your dress fall down to the floor I kissed you softly, and you yearned for more. We experienced pleasure unparalleled, into the ocean of love we both fell. Swimming in the timeless currents of pure bliss, fantasies interchanging with each kiss. Undying passion unites our souls, together we swim until the point of no control. But it's a fantasy... it won't come true. We never even spoke and your man swears he loves you. So I'ma keep all these feelings inside, that's right. Keep my dreams alive until the right time. "

It's only the weekend baby... I'll see yah again. Nobody can stop me from dreaming.

2006-02-01T09:29:00.000+08:00

Things I learned because of RPG

"A million games has opened up to me because I have come to finish some of them completely."

"An old chapter ends and a new one is just beginning... and I have the controller."

"I never thought I would feel so alive again. I never thought I would feel so strong again. "

"I never thought I'd remember how to make it through the levels on my own. "

"There are always things that still need to be learned..."

"With every despair comes new hope."

"Once you feel pain, you learn to appreciate joy in its simplest form."

"Sometimes, it's good to give up on something specially if you know you deserve better than what you have."

"Too much of something is bad... too little of something is just as tough..."

"There are endless things experience has to offer..."

"You lose... Play again?"

"Cheat codes are for wussies"

"I guess the game surprises you that way... it never fails to hide the mystery... that's what makes it worth playing. "

2006-01-25T09:54:00.000+08:00

Let's Journey on my friends...

Pilgrims Theme

Tired of weaving dreams, too loose for to wear.

Tired of watching clouds, repeat their dance on air.

Tired of getting tired, of doing what's required

Is life a mere routine, in the greater scheme of things?

Through with taking roads, someone else designed.

Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine

Through with going through, one more day -- what's new?

Does my life still mean a thing, in the greater scheme of things?

I think I'll follow the voice that calls within.

Dance to the silent song it sings.

I hope to find my place

so my life can fall in place

I know in time I'll find my place,

in the greater scheme of things.

Each must go his way, but how can I decide.

Which path I should take, who will be my guide

I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far

To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things.

The road before me ends, I don't know what I'll find.

Will I meet a friend, or ghosts I left behind?

Should I even be surprised, that YOU'RE with me in disguise

For it's YOUR hand that I've seen, in the greater scheme of things.

For YOURS is the voice in my deepest dreams

YOU are the heart, the very heart

In the greatest scheme of things...

Why don't you follow the voice that calls within.

Dance to, the silent song it sings

One day we'll find our place.

For all things fall in place

For all things have a place...

In the greater scheme of things.

As you know me, it might seem weird that I posted this cause you'ld probably believe I'm an atheist but that's not true. I'm a free-believer. I still believe in God and everything about HIM. It started with Him... it will end with Him. So there... CARRY ON!